Tattys Blogs 2

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2nd August, I have exhausted the memory on First Blog so started this 2nd as a follow on.  To recap, the stems have trailed on and on because of the rain, so now the marrows are formed all over the concrete slabs instead of on the lawn.  There are hardly any females blooms now, and the males are growing upwards towards the sunlight, a bit like the Amazon rain forest.

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Did you notice that busy Chinaman?  I mean, he’s got to take care of these… He’s got his girlfriends to think about!

To round todays news with this beautiful plant, I’ve even found a pot to go with the shape.

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We are leading peaceful life’s at the moment so I am not as stressed.  I have been caught up in the Labour leadership Saga, so interesting….

12th August, walking home after work in the ‘dark’ I noticed dog poop in the middle of the pavement I so stopped on the spot and rang to warn that DOZY Chinaman:

“There’s a big lump of dog poop at…..       IF you stand on it and bring it home, you EAT it!  OK?”

The next day, the poop has been stood on and is all over the place.  People might have missed it because the lumps looked like dead leaves!

photo[16] Such an irresponsible dog owner, I want to point out that there is another sneaky owner whose dog poops along the wall on the graveyard, at night.  Disgusting!  I see flies swarm on it and then the slugs go for it, the only consolation here is that people can’t stand on it.

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Now we have to wait for the road sweeper to come and clean it, probably in 3 months time? or heavy rain to wash it off!

Sorry for the nice subject today, but you don’t realise that EVERY night when I walk home, I am on the lookout in case I, stand on it!  Then 10 Answers Back will say!!!!!!!! and become

20 Answers Back!

18th August, here are more poop stories to make your stomach churn!

A province in China slaughters a pasture reared sheep, then slices the intestines with waste and cooks it into a soup.  Then they drink it with the belief of giving them eternal health.  Well, maybe it does work as it’s the most basic form of eating some kind of ‘yogurt?’ to put the beneficial bacteria into your digestive system.

Here are the pictures taken off the TV screen, ‘lovely green soup!’

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Yes, some real nice green slop with brown lumps there!

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Here is the reporter being polite.

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She says, it tastes bitter!

During my Uni days, there was this chap who passed a biscuit tin to his mates while they were having a cuppa.  When they opened it, no bickies, only a nest of his poop logs!  Absolutely disgusting!

Also, I remembered another documentary about a certain tribe that made gravy with their own waste and ate it!

You can tell that I am in a ‘shitty’ mood today, lol.

25th August, today I ate the first plum of the season and I am not sharing it with anyone!

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Very sweet, when it’s picked straight off the tree.  I have 4 Victoria plum trees.  The one at the chippy is over 30 years old, just hope that that Chinaman has been rotating them to catch the odd ray of sunshine!

Maybe not, because of them marrows! So busy, no time for anything else, TOO MANY girlfriends to think about or to please!  He is in the garden everyday…….. eyeing every single one! Hey, no chance of dressing them in lace stockings this year because they are all over the floor!

I will keep you posted.

30th August

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Look how big they’ve grown!  I can see that Chinaman on his hands and knees…..

31st August, It was ME who got on her hands and knees!

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After all, it is Wednesday, Sa Sa’s girlfriends day so he went to Manchester with a smile on his face.  They got 2 each and one had 3 small ones.  Well I got rid of most of the ugly and misshapen ones.

I must tell you and get it off my chest.  A couple of days ago, I noticed Sa Sa’s shoes – there were flaps over his little toes!!!!!  NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH THAT DICKHEAD!!!!!

THAT DICKHEAD who has developed a sort of fetish like slitting his shoes AGAIN!  These are Clarks H fit which is I think the widest fit.  Its a case

“OFF WITH EM TOES!”

I haven’t the faintest idea what is going to happen to his other pairs.  I am going to have to sharpen my meat cleaver!  So mad, SO SO mad.  I wasn’t going to show you, go on then, I will show you ONE shoe and the other has similar cut:

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He has just finished peeling some spuds so shoe is covered in specks, just LOOK, he has sliced it BIGGER than that pair from last year!  I am feeling so sorry for myself for marrying such a DICKHEAD!  You know what he is going to do next, GOUGE IT OUT, then TWO BLOODY TOES WILL STICK OUT!

“Mum, why did you marry a Man like that!”

10th September, I have been EXTREMELY stressed this week.  I wanted some passport photos, to take to Asda for printing at 64p for 6 or go in a photo booth – 4 for £5.  Big difference!  I get Sa Sa to take pics of me, I’ve even brought a massive white canvas down, plonked it on top of the radiator to give a white background.  All he had to do was to focus and click away.  So what’s the problem?  Well after over 20 takes later,  Asda picked ‘the best’ and it still came out blurred!  MAN! You should have seen his efforts!  He takes a pic of the WHOLE canvas with my farting little head down at the bottom!

BLURRED! I can’t use that!  So suddenly I had ideas, get him to practise with my mobile then email it to my PC and save the best onto disc.  EASY yes? No That Chinaman can’t even take a decent pic.  He’s got this thing about shaking the camera on taking.  Meanwhile, I am getting so angry, my face is turning red like a raging bull.  How can I look good and relaxed in this situation.

CALM DOWN TATTY!

So as a final straw, he points the mobile at my face and I lift BOTH my arms up to HOLD his to keep them still!

IT WAS torture for me and for HIM!  I managed to salvage ONE decent take after all that and HE had to jump in the shower cos he was sweating so much!

‘Mrs C, stop bullying him!” Cry my customers.

I always get this comment at the shop!  I am trying to educate him!  Maybe I should have gone inside a photo booth but the results are not as good.

Today and on numerous occasions, I have been so closed – on the verge of beating him up, out of frustration, I can’t tell him to do anything that is beyond his mentality – all you get is:-

10 answers back!

AND to top it all, on 2nd trip, we waited on the ground floor Asda carpark for half hour just to get out. It was the first time I heard cars blowing their car horns like a symphony! Including my Chinaman of course.  He loves going to Asda, you should see him shopping there, he pushes the trolley at speed and rides it feet off the floor.  Our customers see him and say,

“He’s like a kid!”

“Yes, the baby of our family, and the worst!”

11th September:  Just look how grand this mixer tap is.  I got my plumber to install it today and even he was surprised that I bought it for £11  19p off Ebay last year.  It is 24ct Gold Plated at over £200 at the Plumber Merchants.

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Now I need to shop for matching taps for the wash basin.

13th September.  After hearing about a sick relative in China, we had to fly back today from Manchester Airport.  Our flight was delayed due to bad weather and we missed the connecting flight at Charles De Gaulle in France.  Sa Sa was looking forward to boarding that A380-800 Airbus too!  We wanted to be in Hong Kong as soon as possible so their best option was to put us up in a hotel for the night, board a flight to Moscow and get on a connecting flight to Hong Kong.

I did not know that I had to turn the data off on both our mobiles in France so my poor son paid £4 99p x 4 for nothing!  Then we got on the plane to Moscow only to be told that it was not balanced with the luggage so they had to repack!!!  I was blaming myself for having doubled luggage, FOUR suitcases = 92kgs.  I buy shares in Asda on most trips to China, as always! I fill suitcases up with 100+ packs of biscuits, 10+ packs of the Belgian ones from Marks and Spencer’s etc etc… With so much goodies to dish out to make people happy, it’s a wonder I don’t make Sa Sa go in his birthday suit!

So now we have had bad luck number 2, and these are supposed to come in 3s.  I was so stressed when they announced that they had to repack, there was that dreaded feeling, will we miss the connecting flight at Moscow?  Only just managed it with 10minutes to spare!

Arrived in Hong Kong and checked in at the hotel with 2hours left of paid night.  I thought people paid that for a quickie!  To tell you the truth, we were knackered and wasn’t in the mood!  Having settled in the room, I get news that that sick person was still in hospital and we cannot go to see her the next day in China.  The doctor kept her in longer than expected.

So stressed!  Had to get my son to book for more nights on the net as its near half price than paying direct over the counter at the hotel.

Walking round the shopping centre, Sa Sa tells that he needs to buy a belt as his got nicked at Charles De Gaulle airport while we were going through security.

36hours later!!!! His pants must have been falling down!!! What a Dickhead!  Why didn’t he tell me there and then?  What answer do you give to your kids when they ask, “mum, did you call the police?”

“No, can’t do much, 36hours later!”

So, when I heard, pathetic man!  I left him to buy a cheap PVD one and walked off.  One hour later, Sa Sa was still missing, he could not find his way back to the hotel!  Man! His country, his lingo what’s the problem?  Well whoever he asked sent him in the opposite direction, people do that when they realised that his skin is paler than theirs!  In other words, a foreigner who hasn’t sunbathed!  I am speechless as usual because we stay at this hotel all the time and he still don’t know the place!  The shopping centre has only three main streets!

When he managed to stumble back to the hotel, he was shouting at me for leaving him behind, was so frightened, so sweaty and jumped in the shower!  Next time I will buy a kids harness or…

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Can you spot Sa Sa?

We enjoyed the last few days so much, the biggest regret was that I should have booked the break for an extra week.  Highlight was eating this incredible red fish in China.  That is Sa Sas younger brother, I bet he’s got more brains!

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Sa Sa, even this cooked fish is smiling at the thought of your trousers round your ankles!

My niece brought two of these over, as well as home reared chickens and a duck- for us to eat.  We left the duck, it has settled amongst the brother in laws’ layers.

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Oh, not to forget that Sa Sas’ tooth dropped out when he woke up!  What does he look like now?  Lol

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The kids have laid bets on the next to come out.

I came back with lots of Chinese tea and my nieces’ husband bought me a kung fu tea making set that I can only associate with the Japanese tea ceremony saw in films.

So, now back in the UK, when I have got over the jetlag, I will practise this ‘romantic’ tea ceremony, mind you sitting opposite ONE tooth less Dickhead puts me off a bit!

Yes, sitting opposite one tooth less Dickhead wearing a plastic belt….

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A present and look what’s inside.

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A cake of tea sitting snugly inside a wooden box.  Very expensive and to me , too good to drink and then pissing it out!

10th October, I bought another old Jones 949 sewing machine for £15.  The one behind which is similar model as my own – 939, cost £10 01p plus £9 delivery, originally bought as spares for mine.

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I spent 3 hours cleaning it up, sucks, no money hidden here!

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After some elbow grease and a good oiling, I have here a £15 working sewing machine.

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I love these vintage machine because they are built like tanks!  I now have THREE of these, and many sets of curtains to make.  While making, I can dream, DREAM of another fantasy man …….. with brains, who can find his way back to the hotel, who doesn’t wear plastic belts, who can click and take a clear picture, one who is not stupid and convert shoes to sandals etc etc etc.

WHEN I can STOP calling him a DICKHEAD, I might die happy!

I have to go, that Chinaman is screaming at me, he wants to go to Asda now, yes, and ride on one of their trollies!  You should see him GO, Asda carpark, the ground floor one where there’s a slope! Even the waiting Taxi drivers are laughing and even more when I tell them that he is nearly 66years young!

I went to a craft shop in Hong Kong and bought some balls to be used as eyes for my green dragon in the garden.  I planted these box bushes over 18years ago and gave them a good trim using – wait for it, my bargain shears from Amazon.  Spear & Jackson Razorsharp Geared Hedge Shears at £5 49p .  At this very moment these are £23 per pair so they were priced wrong so I bought 3 pairs – £16 47p.  I did not think they would honour the sale but they did, I truly believe that it’s keeping hundreds of money plants that gave me this luck.

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Such a cool looking thing, isn’t it?  More like a caterpillar because I can’t decide what to do about the ear bit. I need to shape some horns at the top of head and spike the ‘ears’.  It takes a long time to shape, I am tieing the tail down to make it curve towards the head.  The head arch is too round at the moment, wants to be more defined – I will work on it!  Gosh so much to do, it’s the growth issue, damn slow and I can only trim it once a year. When the red eyes weather a bit and become green with mould, might not glow like now.

19th October, soon be Christmas.  Just want to show you that my money plants are in bud, so early this year!  I am not sure if these blooms will still be there on Valentines Day now.

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Almost every day when the shop is opened, my customers ask:

“How is Mr Chan? How long have you been here now?”

“Oh, he’s okay.  Nearly 35 years and the reason why I’ve lasted that long is cos I’ve a punch bag!”

Yes, I LOVE THAT CHINAMAN!  MY PUNCH BAG – to keep me insane!

To keep him happy, I need to keep his girlfriends happy.  So here are the seeds? (hoping that these will be matured) for MORE marrows next year.  He had to put them on top of a bin to age it with sunshine.

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Not many left now, 80% of every years’ output is given away as presents.

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26th October, it’s Wednesday and that DIZZY Chinaman has pocketed my mobile AGAIN but it only dawned on me in less than 10 minutes after retracing my footsteps.  I am adding detective work to my list of talents because he has just rung me to say he has got it.

Frustration, frustration, one of them things, when you have it, you don’t use it BUT when you haven’t got it, the more you want to use it.

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Getting there.  Waiting for the lips to grow so I can make the mouth longer.

In a hacking mood, think its time to tie that Chinaman down and give him a haircut now.

£5 49p a pair – Spear & Jackson Razorsharp Geared Hedge Shears!  A real bargain if you are a gardener.  I truly believe that whoever put this advertisement up on Amazon did not realise that he/she omitted the number 2 in front of the number 5 = 25 = £25.  They have saved a little on postage to me having bought 3 pairs but 1 pair at £5 49p with free postage?

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“Hey, Sa Sa, Number 2 Dickhead here!  Who might get the chop!  I hope you know that I am waiting for Jack Frost to come and bite your toes!”

20th November.  It’s Sa Sa’s birthday!  He is 66 years old today.  Many happy returns, darling.  Today I promise only to dream about YOU but after midnight, sorry it’s back to my fantasy men.

I NEED THEM TO SURVIVE!

First, I was caught up with the British Labour leadership saga and a fascination with news, any news about Jeremy Corbyn and now it’s Donald Trump.  So much news about him, his doings, good or bad, from past, present and future.

“Hey, Mr Trump, make my Sa Sa great again”

21st Nov.  Weather is bad, it snowed, thawed and iced.  AND Sa Sa’s toes haven’t dropped off yet!  Not that I am bothered, BUT somehow these little, sos, I mean big toes (otherwise he wouldn’t have slit his shoes!) these BIG toes have got to send a message to that farting little brain that converting shoes into sandals is a bad idea!  Don’t, forget, folks, they are BIGGER slits so expecting TWO toes to stick out!

Bloody Hell!  Tatty, please DON’T think about next year!  Is it going to be THREE toes sticking out?

If you are still entertained by my life married to a Chinaman, call here, often, this blog was only started last year, so many ups and downs and you should all feel sorry for me, I am really NOT a bully!  We’ve been together for over 35 years now, there’s a book to be written here, isn’t there?  Maybe as a retirement project?

23rd Nov.  Yes its Wednesday again, Sa Sas’ girlfriends day!  After today, he will be dreaming about next Wednesday!  SO what am I up too?  I laid out some pairs of shoes and wonder:

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So many pairs to hide, I think there are more about the house, just want to make peace with them, call me crazy, anything……Before…..

“Dear Pair of Shoes, please forgive Tatty if you are next in line for my Chinamans SLIT OF DEATH!”

I don’t know, the mind boggles, one little toe, two little toes, three little toes, FOUR????

This Chinaman is going to walk barefoot…….all the way back to China!

I will keep you posted when Jack Frost comes and helps me.

Meanwhile, I am hoping to carry out the tea ceremony this Christmas, I have visions of myself choking on my tea because I will be sitting opposite:

One tooth less Chinese Dickhead wearing a plastic belt in holey shoes with two toes sticking out of each!  Never mind choking, I might be spewing up as well!  The tea set might be staying in the box!

28th Nov.  Yesterday was our 35th year anniversary running Chans.  I don’t know where all them years have gone!  We finished on an unhappy note, usually blamed each other.

This VERY regular customer has the VERY same order on the VERY same day of the week!  2 of this and 2 of that.

I was under duress with serving as running out of chips etc, took the order and wrote 2 of this and 1 of that.

When that Chinaman cooked it, I asked where’s 2 of that?

“You wrote 1!”

“Why didn’t you tell me or query why is she having 1 of that when it’s been the usual 2?”

I know it’s my fault for not checking what I wrote down, but IF only he queried then we won’t be arguing lots as he has to cook 1 of that again.

So please, you people, when I’ve got a sullen face whilst serving you, it’s that Chinaman who has got me in a bad mood.

12th December, soon be my birthday.  Last night I got a present! So happy, makes up for the aggro of living and working alongside a Chinaman.  Jackie Chan once said that if you ask there is a 50/50% chance but I could not believe it here – chance 100%!!!!!

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Thank you so much Peter, My favourites, almond biscuits from Macau…. they are famous.

Well, let me tell you about that Chinaman, we are friends – right? No secrets -right?

Here’s me thinking that he was trying to grow a moustache to impress his girlfriends, no apparently not, its because all his shavers were broken!!!!!

So now he has got a supply from the kids and me….photo[7]photo[8]

I know what you are all saying…

“WHAT A DICKHEAD!”

Why didn’t he say? Why does he want to suffer in silence?

I am hoping that the kids will buy him a LEATHER belt for Christmas.  Enough said.

Maybe, he IS a wise man as ‘deciphered?’ By Andrew (customer on guestbook signing) you know – sort of playing on the sympathy note- in that case I think there might be more than ONE belt!  We will see…….

14th Dec. Wednesday, I had to ring him to remind him of my shopping list for the shop.  If he forgets because he is surrounded by ‘flies’ it’s Head on the Block OR I might give him one of my almond biscuits from Macau!

17th Dec.  Sa Sa tells me that he NEVER uses a razor because over 60 years ago, as a 6 years old, he saw a convict being chased across the paddy fields in his village in China- a bit like the start of that Charles Dickens film, Great Expectations, when almost caught, the man took out a razor and slit his own throat!  So this traumatised him.  It’s a wonder what we watch on the news about ongoing wars today and what impact this will have on the people especially the children in future years!

No, I got the tale wrong, I imagined it to be a bit like the Dickens’ story.  It was a convict who ran home to commit suicide- how would he be able to get  hold of a razor blade?  Being such a poor family they could not afford to buy him a coffin so used the planks of a wooden bed.  He was from the village nearby and big news at that time 1950s, if caught, he would have been sent North to slave labour for years!

If you have read the extract ‘A Warning from Lily on my Works of Pride link then you will know that Sa Sa was going about his daily tasks of sticking up his finger up his chickens’ bums to see if they’ve already laid their eggs – so he would let them loose AND tickle his ox s willy to make it piss in a bucket = fertiliser.  Then witnessing his neighbours constructing a coffin out of his wooden bed etc etc…. the impact on that tiny brain… Poor lad.

Jack Frost, stay away from my Chinaman, please? Just until 2017.

19th Dec. A man rang the door bell and gave us a present.   Out of curiosity, I asked:

“Hey Sa Sa, when you were a wee lad in China, what did you use to wipe your bum?”

“Grass, leaves and the outer stripping of a sugar cane.  I didn’t even have underpants to wear!”

‘Arhh, your poor thing.   Well on my first visit to see your mum, she was using the sheets of the calendar, daily sheet, I supposed you can tell if you are constipated! OR got diarrhoea!   Look what I just got off that nice man at the door?  Your arsehole will be in shock at the sheer luxury!”

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20th Dec.  I was chilling out in bed, watching TV and doing a bit of crocheting, then two old men came knocking on my door.  Why pick on Tatty?

“Is it about religion?”

“Yes”

I was SO comfortable, until rudely disturbed!  Quiet, the Chinaman is away collecting – bones.  Yes, he is Boneman Chan on Tuesdays, Shitman on Wednesdays because too many ‘flies’ are swarming round in.

Fancy trying to convert me into a ‘saint!!!’

In the past, you get these converters trying to impress me with saying ‘how are you?’ In Chinese which is:

“lei howl?”

I hope they realise that depending how you pronounce the ‘howl’ bit also means ‘randy’ in Chinese.

“Are you randy?”  “lei howl n howl?”  – very randy?  The ‘n’ is a nasal sound like saying yes.

So…… if you’ve been following my blogs, it’s ….

“lei howl n howl and man on!”

12. 15pm, Sa Sa rings me,

“There are 3 marbles of doggy poop near the zebra crossing, if you stand on it and bring into shop, you eat it!”

Well, thanks for the advanced warning, I will avoid and walk round it, but will a child stand on it later, after school?”

I took a picture of it, LOOK, they are directly along the walking path by the zebra crossing,  such a pathetic dog owner!

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On my way home at 8 45pm, every piece was flattened!

21st Dec. My birthday – 62 years young today and I am still slapping on the oil and sticking my head in the chip pan.  The oil is doing wonders to my complexion, beats any expensive moisturiser!  One of Sa Sa’s girlfriends gave us 2 lobsters today so we had it for tea.  Yum Yum.

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27th Dec.  I am feeling so under the weather, sinus migraine, I think its my punishment for me being so nasty to Sa Sa!  I have had it on Christmas Day, Boxing day and today…..

I ate a little of our 8 course Christmas meal and not drunk any alcohol, was looking forward to the champagne and wine so that I can feel like death warmed up the next day – hangover.  Anyway, here WERE the lobsters and king  prawns:photo[11]photo[12]

There were 5 lobsters and 4 boxes of these fresh king prawns, FRESH, if you buy these where the heads have gone black, they are NOT fresh.  When its fresh, the heads tastes sweet, black = bitter.  These were over 6 inches long!

On Boxing Day, when Sa Sa and I were dining alone, we saved a bit for ourselves:

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Sa Sa is an expert on cooking seafood and these are superb with spring onions and ginger and a touch of brandy.

1st Jan.  Happy New Year everyone.  Sa Sa got no belts for Christmas, we think that if we spoil him, he will continue to leave them at the airports!  I told the kids not to buy anything for us, they were wanting to upgrade our mobiles.  Sa Sa is struggling to use his present one, he has realised that the word EDIT is NOT to be touched!

I have just finished stitching a real fur strip onto my new coat.

I bought this bargain on Ebay:

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The design was dated 2014 but who cares, was priced at £119 99p

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Look at it now with the fur round the hood?

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That is my good happy start to 2017.  Now I can dream of my fantasy man taking me on a skiing holiday!

16th January.  Last week, I was looking at some screwdriver bits on Ebay then bought this:

I believe Focus DIY store were selling them before they closed down.  Always looking for bargains that don’t cost the earth, I paid:

Did you noticed the  X 25, yes 25 packs! which would work out app.  44p per pack.  I thought that was good, then he sends me this lot:

I counted 39 packs!  Yes 39 packs, each now costs 26p for 7 bits!  Either this seller can’t count or I am lucky again.  I don’t think Focus DIY store were selling them at 26pence per pack!

“Sa Sa, lets do more DIY?  You can break as many as you want!  I wouldn’t shout at you!”

Having told many customers about my blog, they are feeling sorry for him and ask if he is still okay on their calls to the shop!!! as though I have killed him!  Today its our day off and last night, I’ve put out a nice piece of pork from the freezer – for dinner, then he tells me, he took out another TWO pieces at the shop! Now Ive got THREE pieces of pork to cook!

Sa Sa, Pork for breakfast, dinner, tea and supper – FOR YOU!  Why did he not put the one which I took out and put it back in the freezer!  Or I put it back, if he told me about the 2 thawing at the shop!  Nevermind, too hard a question!  MANY MANY questions are too hard!  There are very little thinking brain cells in that head, oh dear, that makes me think about myself now,

“Why did he marry me?”

Since Donald Trump became the 45th President of the United States, I will now be hypnotised!  I want to know everything that he is going to do, Sa Sa hates him and I admire him so our lives go on…

So from the 20th January, there will even be more noise from the Chans household.  Even saying his name is too hard for Sa Sa!

T …Lump!  You should all know by now it’s F…Lied Lice!

I have given up!  Listening to myself sounding like a bitch BARKING!!!  IT’S:

“R R R R R R R R”

26th January.  Ha ha ha, hee hee hee, Jack Flost is coming……..

30th Jan.  T..LUMP   T..LUMP   T..LUMP, so much news, he’s causing so much havoc, globally……everyday!

6th Feb.  T..LUMP  T..LUMP  T..LUMP  GO Go go… I think we’ve got another ’10 Answers Back’ here, Mr Trump, you must stand in Sa Sas’ corner!  I give you permission to join him.

To me, the only big difference between you is that my Chinaman gets his cheap underpants in a twist – OFTEN!

CHEAP!  You know when they are passed it when he moans and says his willy is taking a peep!  At least he knows which side it falls when he puts his pants on.  Asked a male customer once, while explaining this ‘hard’ question to Mr Chan and he went and felt HIS willy!  NEVER AGAIN!  Cos then he handed me his money after touching his willy…

Is this a hard question for men?

I felt so sorry for Sa Sa over the belt business, he got none for Christmas, the plastic one is cracking a bit and there are a couple that are too short.  I learnt that when you buy a belt and the size you buy is taken in the middle of the punctured holes.  Sa Sas’ pants are 34inches, I need to buy a 36inch belt, NOT a 34inch belt.  So I bought him a leather Boss belt advertised as 36inches, black on Ebay, bnwt.  When it came, it was brown and size 34inches! The seller insisted that THAT IT WAS BLACK, 36inches!  After lots of messages, she said she used previous sellers’ photos which is against Ebay rules, apologises and asks for its return.  I returned it 2nd class recorded delivery and insisted that I get all monies refunded including the returned postage.

Yes, adddress given, received and signed.  After 2 days, no word, no refund, had to go to EBay… 10days later, no correspondence, Ebay only refunded me on original sale so I lost out on the returned postage of £3 95p, I vowed to myself, NEVER be nice again, go to Ebay if item is not as described!  Ebay suggested to ask her again, so after ‘threatening’ with a negative feedback,

“Is it worth to have a 100% positive feedback disrupted for the sake of £3 95p?”

In her case, YES.  I thoroughly enjoyed using the maximum 80 characters allowed on the feedback and made sure that future buyer will have second thoughts.

NOT the item Asked/Returned/Signed/Kept! No refund VERY Dishonest Seller BEWARE!

Meanwhile, Sa Sa, God says to you KEEP wearing them cheap undies and a plastic belt!

One tooth less Chinese Dickhead in cheap underpants, wearing a plastic belt, in holey shoes with two toes sticking out of each AND now with his willy sticking out! Never mind choking, I might be spewing up as well!  HELP !!! The tea set is DEFINITELY staying in the box!  For now.  I keep seeing the willy as competition for the tea!!!

Some BIG straw, Man!  I’ve heard of Monks attempting it.  My mind is boggling…will add this amazing feat to my fantasy Man.  At this very moment, I will tell Sa Sa and the cats NOT to disturb me while I google:

Can you make your penis drink water?

Don’t get excited now, Tatty!!!  You know your Sa Sas’ willy can’t, remember, when he DID actually tried it back in China, he dipped his willy in other peoples urine cos he lifted the potty TOO high in the dark!

Dropped the potty in shock!

The IDIOT woke the whole house up and I SHOULD HAVE REALISED THAT I WAS MARRIED TO A DICKHEAD THEN!

Tatty, YOU are a true survivor! 

No such pat on the back from Sa Sa, he finds it hard to congratulate me on anything!

March:  I am not very happy with him at the moment because I can’t get him to have a haircut, the barber is chasing her customer again, such a baby!  I know why, cos it’s cold and I make him strip down to his underpants, cheap ones – remember?  Competition for the tea AND now the thought of IT might be surveying at my handy work – at hairdressing!

So stressed this month!  Car insurances are due and every year they add a good £100 onto their quotes and then I have to google, some do price match and LV only knocks an extra 5% off – for a multi car household.

My shopping on Ebay is not running smoothly, so many rogue sellers.  With the best offer option, I offered, got accepted, paid immediately, then the seller ‘sent’ via Hermes tracked, kept my money for 2 weeks and offered refund if item didn’t arrived!  I hate indirect people, so I am taking this up with Ebay insisting that the seller fulfills this transaction, for not giving me the tracking number so that I can see it in transit and ignoring me.

Appears to be my Chinese New Years resolution, giving negative feedbacks to bad sellers.  Sa Sa always say that you CAN annoy the Queen but not Tatty so when someone has annoyed me, it’s Sa Sas fault for not telling that person in the first place!

2nd March.  My son called today, he says even our dentist knows that mum is a bully – to dad!!! Well all I can say is to come and live with that Chinaman and if you can still keep a full head of hair after nearly 40 years…

Please call again and read about:

The Long Suffering Chinaman AND The Long Suffering Tatty.

Oh, I might add, The Long Suffering Clarks Shoes.

6th March.  I managed, I managed to cut THAT Chinamans’ hair today!  He is hard work!  As he looked down, he says the greys are getting more prominent – feeling dead sorry for himself!  So please everyone, let’s get our violins out!

I also gave another negative feedback on Ebay:

NO item! Kept my money for ages! NO item! VERY unreliable Seller! BEWARE!

There, there, there I hope he is feeling the wrath of Tatty now!

9th March, our old BMW has passed the MOT, so happy now and Sa Sa is getting so famous as:

The Chinese Dickhead of Crawshawbooth.

When we took over the chippy, people were telling us about Irish Charlie who was always taking the mickey about his wife, well after all these years I must be the Chinese Charlie!

Chinese Charlie with a Lancashire accent! Don’t forget the hypnotising dimples, that make men dig deep into their pockets, yes these are still in view when I smile.  Look, I’ve made up this limerick:

There was once an Empress with the hypnotising dimples

She hid her long nails in gold thimbles

Inside her chamber was a enunch

Who only wore a thin tunic

And she used them to scratch his nipples

Some handsome man, eh? Such a pity! An ENUNCH!  Annoy Tatty? I will poke his eyes out!

AND he wouldn’t have any nipples left either!

No willy, no nipples, no eyes and no head, it would have been on the block!

FEEL THE WRATH!  Comprendai?  Go and shit, Man!  

If only you can hear me sharpening my meat cleaver at the shop, Sa Sa says it sounds as though I am going to kill someone, so I tell him it’s to frighten the cats away in the garden.

12th March.  Look at the blooms on my money plants, to round the weekend off.

The blooms stay lovely for about five months.

31st March.  I think the whole village knows by now that we have sold Chans.  My in laws are running it now and we’ve just over a week left to pass on most of the knowledge, giving two months to teach them our secrets.  We have been running it for over 35years and my Chinaman is falling ‘apart’ -his knees aren’t good.  Still plenty of answering back though so the mouth is still okay!  Teeth -not good so I get to eat all nuts, apart from that, he’s getting old and everything is strinking!

Watching the young ones, become parents, then grandparents, time just flies, at the end of the day it boils down to making THAT extra penny, and you ask yourself, is it worth it?   Work until you drop?  We have plenty to do and can relax soon, not dominated by routine, we don’t have to keep an eye on the clock anymore.

We want to thank all our customers old and new for keeping us running Chans for so long.  I have to turn over a new leaf… and become, wait for it

NICE to that Chinaman!

I will have to stop calling him Sa Sa (pet name for Goofy) and call him

FUK 

I have now got a challenge to start to educate him, maybe teach him not to convert shoes into sandals, how to speak English, yes let’s start with pronouncing the R R R s,

Thank you all again.

Where’s Wally, I mean where’s Fuk?  I wonder if he will miss my ‘bullying?’

Sa Sa DO THIS AND DO THAT!

Now it’s a case of-

FUK, DON’T DO THIS……………BIG EXPLANATION! <<< if it’s sinks in!

MORE BLOODY STRESS!  I think the ‘bullyiny’ is easier!

2nd April.  I’ve planted the Sharks Fin Seeds for germination so he can live or piss about in the garden ALL summer…..I hope.

16th May.  We have just had a long holiday to see relatives in Hong Kong and China.  Fuk is lucky, he nearly had to wear his birthday suit AGAIN because I had packed about 20 kgs of biscuits to dish out.  On top of this lot were 11 (400 gms) gold boxes of Belgian biscuits from M & S – for posh friends!

Fuk had insomnia the night before flying because I was late checking in our seats on the flight and we will be separated.  The thought must have made him shit all night!

He wanted me to hold his hand of course.  My son said if we go to check in early, like 3 hours early, we can re book out seats and we did.  So relieved, sometimes, I have feelings for that Chinaman!  We had seats on aisle 70 near the arsehole of plane, second row to last.  Previously, on a returned flight we, as a family of 5 got seats scattered and that Chinaman was shitting then.  So he knew what it was like!  BUT, the person seated next to me must have overslept and that Chinaman was moved next to me! Over 500 people on board and that gormless person next to me misses his flight!  How lucky can you get!

Aisle 70, better than being split up!  AND who was to have the window seat?  Of all the people in the world, a young man from Crawshawbooth and I knew him from little, I knew his parents and family-part of the Pownall Clan.  Etienne.

We flew with Cathy Pacific which was a direct flight and you should have seen that Chinaman this time, he kept an eye on his belt through security, oh yes, forget the wife and everything else!

We got to Hong Kong at 9am and left our luggage at the Royal View Hotel while we went for dinner in Tsuen Wan.  When we checked in after 3pm, they gave us this room with this lovely view:

The best part of the holiday was Fuk meeting a famous Michelin Chef called Hugo Leung Man To.

He was even on TV and I managed to photograph him to show his true size:

Now Fuk has sent it to all his friends, I know how he feels, because I was photographed with Steve Vai.

That was the happiest part of the holiday as well as making people happy with our biscuits.

I have been so busy sorting my house out since coming back.

1st job was cutting the lawn.

2nd, I weeded and planted all his marrows.

3rd, I sorted and repotted most of my small money plants, there must be near 100!

4th, I put up a new led ceiling light in the dining area, now burning 12w instead of 150w.  All my ceiling lights are burning 12w or less, what a saving  of electricity, wished it happened earlier when the kids were young!

Next task is to clear or spring clean the whole house.  I have been hoarding… got to rid lots of old clothes…lots of new unworn, I didn’t have time to wear them now they are out of fashion!

19th May, 9.15pm, my daughter in law just came back from helping at the shop and she brought me some almond biscuits.  I can only think of Peter and he must thought of me when he came across these, I am elated tonight.

Thank you very very much.

20th May.  We are still suffering from jet lag, its a case of going to bed at 7pm and getting up at 5am for breakfast and in between have an afternoon nap!  I like to think it’s jet lag or it might just be old age!  Anyway, I was so happy last night and I want Peter to know that I have been saving his last present as expiry date is August, look I have 2 left:

Almond biscuits from Macau and Pineapple cakes from Taiwan, I got my son to take my passport photo, I am presently a very happy old lady….

A P A R T………..

from spotting what that CHINAMAN didn’t do last evening!  We have a pact, I cook and he does the washing up afterwards- washing up means tidying up too INCLUDING scrubbing the cooker after EVERY meal!  He forgets… also when the kids come they are moaning at the dirty cutlery…

HOW CAN I BE NICE?????

He says, he is sick of kitchen work!  How many times have we said to ourselves, if only we didn’t have to eat?

5th June.  I just went back on my blog to see what date I had the passport photos printed in Asda – 10th September 2016 price: 64p for 6.  Today I went to get more and now it’s gone up to £5 for 6! WOW! Gobsmacked! AND it’s not that Chinamans’ fault!

I asked him to see how much he reckoned it’s gone up to, he said £1 or doubled, even a man with a tiny brain thinks it’s a bit steep!

What do you think?

7th June, I sent my passport application renewal form off today, had to go to Rawtenstall to post it as the Post Office in Crawshawbooth was closed.  She asked me 1st or 2nd class, I said 2nd – sort of repeating myself after saying same to a parcel a minute earlier.  It was only when I came out that I realised that she didn’t give me the slip of paper- proof of posting.  She only gave me the receipt for the parcel one.  I was a total wreck with worry over the application because I unintentionally sent it via ORDINARY 2nd class Post!!! 56p!!! Such an important letter with form, cheque, 2 photos and my old passport!  The Post Office charge £9 75p to check and post for you and here is me posting it for 56p.

Silly silly Tatty! And if she turned into a zombie it’s entirely her fault! You know sort of awake all night and sleep during the day, and living up to her chippy name – Tight Tai

8th, I had to drag that Chinaman to the polling station.

9th, So so relieved!  I had visions of my old passport being lost and my two years of multi entry to China gone!  I got a text from Her Majestys Passport Office to say they will be processing my application.   So now I feel insane again and happy to have saved £9 19p.

Insane, when I am living with the Chinaman and NORMAL when I am back on earth!

14th June, I was cleaning out rubbish and came across one of Fuks’ old shirts.  He snatched  it off me and told me the tale.  Fond memories, MAN!  Just look at it?

He bought it two weeks after arriving in England, 16th October 1972.  I kept thinking IF he wore THAT, must have been a sissy!  Then I looked at the label and my eyes nearly popped out!

Not only he dressed like a sissy, that Chinaman must have looked like a pimp as well!

Yes, I am still cruel!

15th, I got my new passport today and they did not pass on the remaining 6 months off my old one so I lost 6 months and 12 days.  It WAS expiring on Christmas Day.  All the literature says that they will add this onto the new passport.  Sa Sa told me that this happened to some of his friends too.  So I rang up to complain and got told whether they add it on or not is up to her Majesty’s discretion! So if you have to pay for your call to moan, this might be their answer!  No principle, at all, unless you make a bigger fuss – weighing up the cost of sending it back plus that long wait phone call …

A total rip off, I lost about £3 70p as it cost £72 50p for the application.

Not happy about it but they made it up with a great number so I am satisfied, well put it this way, I can’t annoy the REAL Queen, can I?

18th, beautiful day, makes you want to strip naked!  Anyway, really enjoy sitting in the garden if only THAT MAN stop using chicken poop!  It stinks!  There is no more potato peel wash now so he has to use it for his marrows.

Oh dear, this retirement business, I am not sure whether I am enjoying it.  Reality is getting to me now.  The bad news is that we are getting fat – in the wrong places!!!  Before we went to Hong Kong, I watched The Walking Dead series 1-6.  They showed series 7 on the flight so I don’t have to buy it.  Now I am watching The Games of Thrones 1-6.  Mr Chan is chasing most Chinese soaps and documentaries.

In general, we are in our rooms staring at the TV!  On series 3 now, and making it last…

Oh, I forgot to mention that Sa Sa loves to have his name Fuk embroidered on his tops.  So I am doing that at the moment, anything – to stop him wearing that Harrods shirt!  He has told me to wash it, the saying:

“I wouldn’t been seen dead in that!”

Sa Sa – “I would be seen alive in that!”

3rd July. Sa Sa < I am finding it hard to say FUK,  its short for goofy and pet name for over 30years!  Well I got him to wear IT!

A true star of this blog, shirt is small and his waist is getting big too.

The embroidery that I’ve done on most of his plain tops, the word ‘fuk’ :

This word ‘fuk’ means wealth and fortune, Sa Sa’s name, everyone will know him.  Its like having your name tag on the front! Like stitched onto a school kids uniform!  In fact many of his male friends wants same on their tops, they are so jealous because Sa Sa is enjoying the attention and gaining more female admirers.

So many ways to stitch it and I have more to do.

To finish, just LOOK at this model, it’s probably why Sa Sa fell for her in 1980!

Hey, now imagine sitting opposite One tooth LESS Chinese Dickhead, of Crawshawbooth, wearing THAT shirt tucked in with a plastic belt, in cheap underpants with his willy sticking out, it’s either wedged to the left or the right, I don’t know and wearing holely Clarks shoes with TWO toes sticking out of each….

QUICK!  HIDE THE TEASET!

5th July.  My family thinks this is hilarious!  My daughter wanted me to buy her a dress by Coast as they did not have her size online.  I googled all the places to buy it in Manchester. The Coast store is closed down in the Arndale, Debenhams and The House of Fraser did not stock it so the last place to look was in Deansgate.  I located it just behind The John Rylands Library, came across a building and thought the store was upstairs.  Before going up the escalator, security wanted to search me, put me and bag through their scanner!

It was the Magistrate Court!

I have been round and still cannot find the store.

Went to the car, told Sa Sa and he cried:

T  H  I  C  K !

14th July.  It’s raining.  What a sorry sight! No bees to be seen, no bees at all, only ME, Queen Bee or the Early Poker, I’ve been up at 6 30am on most mornings to pollinate with my little paint brush.

Then to round off with my breakfast, look at my pint mug of tea,

to wash down my buttered baguette, with peanut spread, a squashed banana – Fyffe’s are the best, and a squirt of honey.

If it weren’t for me with my early poking, his girlfriends might desert him!

No potato peel wash, no rice water wash, just chicken shit – THE STINK! Even the cats are hiding!  I am hiding!  I will let you know whether there will be any marrows this year!

28th July.  Hey, plenty of marrows…I am deliriously happy, Sa Sa has plenty to do and I have discovered a make of shoe called a Cosyfeet!  Quite expensive and Sa Sa loves them…to look at so far…bought him one pair:

‘I am keeping them for best!’

Oh No!  There were some Clarks that he kept for years and for some reason, on wearing-the soles just disintegrated, just melted when they got wet!

I will look to buy another pair on Ebay – for Sa Sa with his funny toes!  I dare not say ‘spastic!’

You have to understand that this Chinesewoman is trying her best to solve his problem!  He has no corns!  I will definitely kill him IF there are anymore slitting shoes from now on!

BUT I will let him play with chicken shit!

30th, I had my eyes on a sale on Ebay, bidding started at £1 and postage was £9 50p so I set my maximum bid for £12 01p – 6 books in good condition.  I fancied the idea of painting an erotic nude and having watched the Games of Thrones, so much was said about the light settings on the commentaries with each episodes, some scenes were like Caravaggio paintings.  So, with in this mind, SIX books to find THE pose, then paint the breast the way I want them – bigger or smaller, rounder etc, raise or lower MY kind of nipples, shape the waist and then the fanny bit – hairy or bald… I must ask Sa Sa that!

Erotic Photography Books, Complete Set, Lighting, Poses Nude, Very Rare

Someone already put a bid if £1 and I was 2nd bidder, first I put maximum bid of £10 01p – that ONE pence makes a lot of difference. Moments later I upped it to £12 01p.  It was at £1 20p near ending time at 14 49 pm, my heart was in my throat!  Finished at £3 33p so I paid immediately and knew that it WAS too good to be true.  I left him a message with the payment £12 83p:

Hi, an artist here looking for inspiration. Might let you know how I get on since I am SO fussy with poses. Please post soon.

Just 9 minutes later, wait for it… I get a refund, the excuse:

hi, I have refunded you your payment. Unfrotantanly we had a fire and the books got damaged. eBay would not allowed me to end the listing due to a bid. Really sorry

Now we have a peeved off Tatty who replied:

Hi, pathetic excuse! I have previously ended a sale, even though there WAS a bid! Excuses,excuses! I am collecting them from sellers who didn’t get enough bids, usually, a death, daughter has taken them, etc, will add this of yours! I WAS actually thinking of giving you this painting if it turns out good. Thx for your excuse, it’s spelt UNFORTUNATELY!

His reply:

It was the truth, thanks for being a complete dickhead

Calling Tatty a dickhead!  Doesn’t he realise that I cannot pinch Sa Sas’ nickname!!!!!! This warranted a negative feedback and the man missed out on a £500? free oil painting of an erotic nude.

Paid then says items are fire damaged No sale Unreliable Seller BEWARE

SHUCKS! Tatty was looking forward to this new challenge but God says unto her:

Tatty, don’t paint an erotic nude, okay? Or you will cry SUE LING till kingdom come!

The poor cat will hide thinking that you’ve got the meat cleaver out!

13th September.  Sa Sa is very happy, there are over 60 marrows for him to play with this year.  Here is keeping a few together….

He has handed out 2 dozen already, his girlfriends are swarming around him for the marrows now as well as bones.  I am successful because I have used seeds germinated from different marrows, whereas if you just use the seeds from ONE marrow, you will have less and weaker fruits, if any at all.

Also the gogi berry bush is doing well, Sa Sa is putting these in our herbal soup.

I got fed up with my pink mug so I have treated myself to a lovely turquoise one with a cat motif.

During the last months I have really got the sewing bug, so far I have made 13 denim bags, and 12 shoppers, TWENTY FIVE bags, am keeping busy and that Chinaman…?

He has become a TV addict, chasing soap after soap…

Oh, that’s the way, uh-huh uh-huh

I like it, uh-huh uh-huh…….

He’s outta way, I LIKE IT! uh-huh uh-huh…

19th September.

I AM MARRIED TO A DICKHEAD!”

Well my son told me to go on here to calm down.  Here I am. Why?  That Chinaman wanted to put the finishing touches to my security lanterns and he goes and slap black paint over the sensors.  Only because he didn’t want to make me a cuppa.

I have tried my best to to clean it off with turps and he innocently says, he didn’t know they were sensors!  On top of that the E27 LED bulb wasn’t compatible, it kept flickering!  I think I need to lie down and dream about my fantasy MEN! To cheer myself up, I saw these on sale at Amazon, looks similar in packaging but different label, mine were 26p per pack and they are good!

30th September.  THAT MAN, he has been quite placid all week, he has a cold and a bad cough.  Like most men, it’s FLU!!! Man Cold! It’s the end of the world!  So the Dickhead of Crawshawbooth has a nose looking like a baboons’ backside!  I best shut up now cos it might be my turn next, you always pass a cold on when you are just getting better.

The peace is killing me!

That ‘romantic’ teaset is staying in the box, besides being dressed in all that ridiculous gear, I can’t see myself sitting opposite a baboons’ arse!!!

16th October, hey no more old £1 coins and no more worrying over that Dickhead collecting them!  THEM dud ones, forged ones, foreign ones, etc…

Do you think he will take notice?

He still reckons he’s done nothing wrong painting my security light sensors, he says they are black to start off with so what harm is a layer of black paint going to do as though people are going to notice!

An answer for bloody everything… I can’t make him understand…..so the stress goes on!  The sins of being married to that Chinaman, what have I done to deserve this! You teach babies as part of growing up, I am teaching a grown up man, NOT to get up in the middle of the night and piss on his marrows, NOT to slit expensive Clarks shoes so that his fat toes can stick out, NOT to leave his belt at the airport security and tell me later when his pants are falling down etc…Hey it’s a good job I don’t have to teach him about the birds and the bees, wink, wink… thank you God, you’ve made that natural.

Anyway, I’ve booked appointments at the dentist and hygienist, on 3rd November – that will make him SHIT!  He says he grips the armrests so tight when the hygienist is at work.  When the poor man is frightened, he goes all sweaty and jumps in the shower!  At least he didn’t do that when we were courting!

28th October, I am so stressed today.  My son wants me to reject a delivery and I did but it was the wrong parcel so he has to pay the £10 fine.  With this delivery to come, I didn’t want to leave the house…until Sa Sa opens the duck to cook which he bought on Thursday from Asda.  I sort of knew that it wasn’t fresh because I usually buy meat with a weeks life span and the expirey date on this duck is today 28th so it’s been on the shelf for a few days beforehand.  Trust Sa Sa to buy it?

Now with this smelly duck and a parcel to reject, I tell him, I will send him to Asda with the duck and a note.  Answer…

NO, NO, NO!

He is too scared to complain, and I am too scared to leave him to reject the parcel!  It has to be today because the duck expires today!  So, married to such a wimp, I leave him to handle the rejection and off I went armed with a smelly duck.  Got to customer services and she said:

”Well you’ve had it for TWO days!”

”Who cooks their weekend dinner on Thursday? She is annoying Tatty here!  In the end she gave me a fresher duck. For free.

Now Sa Sa is mad cos he has just spent an hour plucking 2 ducks!  So you people DON’T buy any Asda ducks, they’ve killed them while they are moulting!

1st November.  Dentist appointments are drawing near now and the dread of getting a mouth ulcer at the last minute!  Anyway we went dining at our usual restaurant, Glamorous yesterday.  It is located above the Wing Yip Supermarket.  As we get out of our 13 year old car, we can see their oriental eyes focusing on us!  Eyeing us and wondering WHAT kind of Chinese people are we to be driving such an old banger!

Its Tatty and the Crawshawbooth Dickhead, You IDIOTS!  AND STOP accusing us of being compulsive gamblers or prostitute seekers!

We’ve had her since day 1 and she’s well looked after.  This reminds me of Sa Sa wooing me with his old Cortina back in 1980.  It was brown and fading!  He didn’t know that brown paint sprays from a Halfords came in batches and to impress me, he went round a few Halfords! So the result was a multi brown shaded car which looked good for a few weeks until hairline cracks appeared all over!

He tried.

’Hey, Tai, what kind of car are you driving!”

My boyfriend – Sa Sa was embarrassed because a couple blades of grass was sprouting on the bonnet!

Sa Sa, I hope you weren’t a compulsive gambler and a prostitute seeker in your early days!

3rd November.  We both survived the torture chamber!  It was a case of going to the loo before and after, especially seeing the hygienist, in case we wet ourselves.  Panic attacks!  Now we can have 6 months rest.

20th November, it’s Sa Sa’s birthday, 67 years old and wrinkly and body parts are continuing to shrink except for that belly.  It’s looking like he is hiding a rugby ball!

21st, we have been busy renovating our sons house.  I decided to buy the cheapest curtains on Ebay, use these instead of washing previous owners, until the house gets sorted, hopefully after Christmas.

So I bought a pair for under £6 and it’s lined.  Then the seller advertises 2 sets of the same design so I paid under £6 for these.  3 sets for under £12, what a bargain, so I thought!  The 2set advertisement, he only sent 1 pair so I complained.  She said it was a genuine mistake and I had got the first set  already!

’Are you having a laugh or taking the piss!’

I bid, won and paid for that set! This sale states 2sets, am trying to explain to this Seller the principle of it all.  You cannot advertise and encourage people to bid and buy when you haven’t the goods.  Or advertised 2 sets when the 1st set was already sold and paid for!  I told Seller she needs to pay for recorded return delivery as well as original payment and postage.  For the sake of £5 49p, just let me keep that 2nd set instead.  Well she insists, if I want them, pay for them or pay to return them.

So off I go to the Resolution Centre.

Lots of rogues on Ebay and the excuses are getting rather interesting when the bids are low.  This one is setting me alight….. will let you know the outcome…

22nd.  The seller messaged at 9 53am to say that I can keep the curtains as a good will gesture and has refunded me.  So I texted back I will continue to escalate UNTIL the refund is actually in my PayPal account.  I know she’s trying it on hoping that I just closed the escalation and can’t go back.

At 16 56pm, I got the refund of £5 49p.  The first set cost £5 34p and second £0, I am in luck again, thanks for keeping hundreds of money plants.

Now, my Ebay excuses collection is growing…..no send goods because they are burnt, this – I can’t send you the 1st set of curtains because you’ve already bought them!

27th, we are so busy doing our son’s house up and can you believe it?  We are getting on like a team, me being The foreman and he, my obedient worker, mostly doing the shitty jobs like cleaning, sanding and washing the tools.  Of course, Tatty is doing the decorating, Sa Sa sees holes and thinks that he can fill them in with paint!  The next day when it’s too late, each hole is crying!  Then I have to explain WHY!

On the subject of painting, when the children were young, they accidentally splashed the white kitchen ceiling with Ribena.  We were working, came home and noticed that the ceiling had streaks of white shine.  The monsters found some white paint and tried to cover the wine coloured spots up and they had use white gloss paint!  A trait definitely passed down from Mr Chan – believing that you’ve done good when you’ve caused more damage – like pissing on young marrow plants at 3am! LOL.

14th December, 11pm.  I am at the end of my tether, I am going to devorce him!  I’ve not eaten all day, starving but completely lost my appetite!  We are slaving away at least 8 hours daily to get this house ready.  Today I painted three ceilings in white and really paid attention to the lovely coving.  So my arm and neck were tired and dropping off.  The first room, I told that Sa Sa to use a paintbrush to separate the shades – white ceiling and magnolia walls.  He did a marvellous job.  THEN….

THE DICKHEAD…. thinks he’s so bloody clever didn’t use a paintbrush for the next THREE rooms, he was only painting the walls using a roller.  So all my white coving is marked with magnolia and the shirting boards are plastered in thick magnolia, all the door frames and need I add all the sockets, they are too plastered in magnolia.  I am so close to beating him up.  I can’t laugh this one off, because that idiot has caused more damage than he realised.  Tomorrow I have to repaint the coving and sand down the door frames, plus the skirting, I’ve already painted these with an undercoat, they were ready for gloss- until that Chinaman got near them!  I hate him so much….IS he human? With a brain?  I HATE HIS GUTS! I HATE EVERY BONE in that farting body, wished he never set foot in England!  AND if he stayed in China, he could piss all he likes on his mums’ vegetable patch!

16th, I glossed 5 doors today plus skirting boards extra, a solid 12 hours, not kidding my poor arm… Sa Sa chased me to go at 11pm, the can had white on the bottom so I place it on of a bin liner, told Sa Sa.

17th, washed my paintbrush in turps having placed it in a jar of water overnight and ready to finish the last doors, maybe paint a 2nd coat on the new doors – before the carpets on 18th.

WHERE’S the paint?  My Dulux trade brilliant white, there was half a tin left.

THE DICKHEADS! My son and all, they are working as a team to peeve me off! Sa Sa wanted to go to the tip and my son thinking if it’s on top of the bin liner, it’s rubbish.  Just under half a tin and they binned it!  I screamed till kingdom come, my head was exploding, I carted that tin and another- 5litres about half a mile to save £7 and now £8 worth is at the tip!

Well after that, both were quiet as mice!

22nd, we planed the last of the bedroom doors, well I planed cos that stupid MAN can’t even hold the planer at 90 degrees!  I realised after 3doors  having marked the bit to be shaved off and wandering why door was still scraping… cos the back was longer.  So I had to tidy and plane the last 2 as Sa Sa was too frightened!  Bet the Dickhead was sweating like heck, panic strickened.  Son being a fussy bugger, lay down on the floor to survey the snug fit, with zero gap.  I tell you, I should have been born a MAN, with facial dimples, can’t forget these.

3 weeks of DIY. I am nearly a disabled wreck, lost weight and my right hand finger prints have gone, cracked, smoothed, even the mobile doesn’t recognise my thumb print.

We are nearly at the end of 2017 and Sa Sa has survived… another year…the teaset is still boxed, will be damned hard to get me in a romantic mood – maybe I might be sitting opposite a TWO teethless Dickhead…

Roll on 2018.  More aggro to come…I will keep you informed.

2018.  I am renovating another son’s house.  This time, it’s a bit quiet but thoroughly enjoying it because I told THAT Chinaman not to come.  The baby has been left to fend for himself!  He couldn’t be bothered to cook for himself and on first day of my absence, just ate a few slices of bread BUT had insomnia that night cos his stomach was rumbling.  Then he cooked pasta to last for three days!  So by third day, the pasta has turned to a batter mix!

PATHETIC MAN!

Well absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I am looking for more excuses to leave him for longer…..maybe it’s time to rid that rugby ball that he’s been hiding!

17th Feb. Thank goodness we got over the Chinese New Year.  SaSa isn’t happy because his Chinese channel which he subscribed too didn’t pay for copyright so he can’t watch the Winter Olympics.

Today, I got a pair of his Sketchers out with the intention of cutting some of the elastic which he said was rubbing the bridge of his foot. He said there was some kind of knot digging in.  I kept feeling for the knot and couldn’t find/feel it. So I made him wear them to Asda.  Never moaned one bit and said they were comfy!  Before he kept telling me off for buying him them off Ebay and I must have been conned- these were less than half price.

THEN…..wait for it Folks…. the MAN has been wearing these on the wrong foot on that Wednesday.  No wonder they were uncomfortable!  Please, people, DON’T remind me that I am married to a ….

I was all set to pick out each elastic thread and cut them today with these ….

I can’t believe he wore them for at least 4hours and only realised that he put them on wrong foot today!

He is forgiven of course, because it was on a Wednesday, the Man is on cloud 9….

Dear Mr Sketchers,

Please can you label your shoes especially for my Chinaman, which is for Right foot and which is for Left?

18th March, we’ve just came back from our holidays and Sa Sa was SO pleased to witness a couple of Chinese- presumably from China, who sat alongside him across the aisle – struggled to open a big packet of crisps.  In the end this OTHER Chinaman pushed the air to the top of the bag and the extra free 20% ended up on the floor!

Sa Sa has been really well behaved, maybe he still feels guilty having put me through panic mode before the holiday.  Three days before the flight, I laid out his clothes for him to wear on the plane, I thought I had better add extra stitching to the pockets of pants just in case… got him to put them on…

They didn’t fit!!! I kept telling him to stop hiding that rugby ball!  So we had to drive to Bury and managed to buy a few pairs at Debenhams.  Can you image what my attitude would have been like on flight day, if the discovery was too late!  Definitely wear your birthday suit, Mr Chan and you must be proud to be the only Chinese Dickhead of Crawshawbooth.

My niece bought me a base/tray with drainage to complete the tea set, it’s bamboo as solid wood would weigh over 6kgs.

Now waiting for that romantic feeling to come……

30th March. I wish to thank the staff at the Burnley Aldi for putting up with Sa Sa today.  My daughter and I walked down to the Prestige Beds place to look at the beds and left him to pay for the groceries.  Sa Sa asked the till lad:

”Where’s the Doylec?”

Till lad summoned another lad who led him to the courgettes and smacked the veg.  Sa Sa thought it was an action that warranted an entry to the loo so he too smacked the courgettes!  While both stood there looking at each other, Sa Sa realised that his pronunciation wasn’t quite right so he jumped up and down on the spot and cried:

”Wee, wee!”

Next time, to SAVE time, Sa Sa, just jump up and down and shout:

”WEE, WEE! WEE WEE!”

9th April.  It’s the end of Mr Boneman Chan, the pork slaughterhouse has shut down!  No more flies, no more attention from the ladies, will Wednesdays be the same again?

11th – Wednesday, he didn’t go to Manchester.

12th April.  Sa Sa and I paid a visit to the doctors today.  We are both ill, been like this since Monday.  He has flu with a really bad cough and kept me awake at night and I am praying for the mighty downpour!  Sinus migraine, told the doc I dragged myself to see him, told him that I wanted to stay in a dark room, I hate everyone, I hate Sa Sa, vomited before I went in and again when explaining to him.  Doc was opening every cupboard to look for a sick tray for me and could not find one.  I bet he will be a lot wiser after my visit!

No food for me, I can’t keep anything down at the moment and the stomach acid is harming my esophagus, making it bleed. So…

We are quiet and with our lost appetite, loosing weight…

Please, God, let it rain, HARD, PLEASE!             signed Tatty and she’s no African!

22nd April.  I have been feeling better for the last 10days.  Doctor prescribed me some tablets to reduce my stomach acid, some tabs to stop me from vomiting and some nasal spray to unblock my sinuses.  After googling them and their side effects,  I crawled out of bed, went into the garden for fresh air, shower, meditate… whatever made me feel better than taking those pills.  My migraine just went away in less than 24 hours.  I thought doc was going to prescribe me some antibiotics (as before) to rid the infection first but he didn’t.

Now, Sa Sa is still coughing mad, especially at night, as soon as his head hits the pillow.  Doctor prescribed him some Simple Lintus cough medicine which was useless.  He tried some pholcodine beforehand, also useless, some expensive Chinese herbal cough medicine to no effect, even some homemade ginger and wild honey from China… the list goes on…

It’s one of those dry thickly coughs…two weeks later it’s still lingering.  He reckons that cider vinager with water is helping.

Chans household here is so dead, even the kids have disowned us in case we spread the ‘plague’.  I am treating this as a good thing cos when they come and they only want food!

29th April.  We are still unwell, Sa Sa is still coughing and it appears that I’ve got it now!  When the ‘Queen’ of the household is sick, everyone starves!

1st May, T K Maxx in New Hall Hey – you made my Chinaman shit today!

I asked him to pay for a pair of pillowcases reduced to £1 and said I will meet him at Aldi’s.

”What took you so long?”

He said as he walked out after paying, the door alarm went off like some thief at work!

The lady at the till forgot to state paid at the till.  I know he looks like a Dickhead and a sick one at that atm but there wasn’t any need to embarrass him like that…over a petty £1 worth of stuff!

I bought them as another cover for my new 100% Hungarian goose feather pillow – treating myself and hope that these fantasy men are fit when I drift to the land of nod.

22nd May.  Sa Sa is getting better and me? I must have got that 90 day cough! Plus a slight allergy to pollen so I am not my usual teaching self <<< please note the word TEACHING, not BULLYING!  Sometimes I wonder whether HE thinks….bought him a new Hypnos mattress, with mattress protector and two sheets, told him to rotate it as the fillings inside were settling.  He was ready to take everything off until I told him to leave protector, sheets on…

ROTATE…..Sa Sa  ROTATE means… oh no, I should say L…L…LOTATE

My daughter keeps saying, ‘mum, don’t shout!’

I am stressed, I am sick, cough, cough, cough, I really need a break…

6th June, I have just spent 5 days decorating my sons’ house in Manchester. Absolutely lovely, peaceful, only cooking for myself.  Received a text off my daughter on my first day of absence:

‘Daddy made crap food. I had to go down to eat bread n butter!”

Crap! What crap? He only had to cook some sausages, jersey potatoes, carrots and make a gravy….

After some questioning, the man boiled the sausages.

6th, today I am going home to face the music…the only thing I really missed is my bed, being a fussy sleeper.  I mean who gets up at 2am and decides to seal the sink in the en suite!  My son is coming back off hols later, hope he realises that this woman is the bestest mummy in the whole wide world.  My kids used to, used to, give me birthday cards with that comment written inside.  My daughter says, the money plants/trees aren’t in the conservatory, they are standing here!

Now, as time draws near, when Sa Sa comes to pick me up, I am feeling a bit sad, you forget that chaotic life, anyway, think about the bright side, I will have more news to tell you…..

24th June. Thought of posting my efforts at renovating.

I didn’t want to hack the whole bottom of door frame off but I did saw a grove for slotting and securing the door seal. I had to repair the other side too.

Look at the finished work with a brand new mahogany step especially made by Ashworths Sawmills in Waterfoot.  At first Charles said he could not plane the tiny slope so water can run off.  We all know who COULD have done that! Sa Sa who couldn’t hold the planer at a 90 degrees against the surface to be planed.  Now he would have contributed to renovating this job BUT he did in a sort of easy way by making me loads of these…..

The neighbours gathered to watch and must have be taking notice of this Wonder Woman but they don’t realised that she is married to a DICKHEAD! They said it’s a job well done.  I hope that you’ve noticed that I painted the door and the railings as well.

“SA SA, I want a cuppa now!”  Gosh it hurts to say ‘PLEASE’ so I am not saying it!

28th June.  Happy Birthday Number 2 son.  The Chinese usually called their youngest and last child:

“The Last Drop of Urine”

More like the last drop of seman!  Sa Sa What was it like squeezing out the last drop of that?  Was it hard work?  Did it involve any brain cells?  < These questions are so difficult, aren’t they?  I will try to explain the word ‘natural’

Such fun living with that Chinaman…..goes on and on AND plenty of laughter afterwards…..sometimes, only sometimes, at most times I just want to beat him up… he’s only forgiven because he lacks the capacity to think intelligently.

11th July. The long wait ….England playing against Croatia in the semi final.  Anyway, some of the homegrown garlic from China which we brought back from our holidays started to sprout so Sa Sa planted them in a pot.  I have never seen a garlic flower before……

Have you?

Good Luck England…..

They lost to Croatia.

19th July.  Shopping on Ebay is not going very well.  My Aqualisa Aquastream power shower started to drip so I wanted to change the cartridge as I did before.  Shopped on Ebay and bought a grey cartridge advertised for my model fitted 1997  – 2003 code 022807 and this woman sends me another grey cartridge code 022801 suitable for Aquastream showers after 2003 and insists that it is the correct one.  When I googled it is the wrong grey one as there are two, very similar with one slightly shorter than the other by 1.5mm, not a lot but it does make a difference to the fitting of the control knob.  So this 022801 is shorter so the knob is not a close fit.  I messaged her to say that I want to return item as it is not as described, her fault and she has to pay recorded postage back plus full refund.  She got annoyed and as stated in advert NO RETURNS!  Well Ebay sent me a postage label and she got the item back yesterday.  She has until the 26th to refund or Ebay will step in to sort it out.

Then there is this other woman who I believe is not happy at not getting more for her sandals. 5days later…..

“Hi , I’m so sorry I haven’t posted your shoes yet as I’ve been unwell ..
I won’t be posting them till Monday in which I will do first class or you can have a refund
As I said I’m sorry but it’s your choice what you would like to do.”

So I told her no hurry, just post 2nd class as it’s cheaper and hope that she gets well soon.  These sandals stated on a Ebay were dispatched on Monday, I should have got them on Wednesday, no, Thursday?

No.

I can see the excuse coming… can you?  Got lost in the post!  She is going to get a negative feedback!  Watch Out Woman, I saw the excuses in her original message… keywords…

I am UNWELL… are you dying then?

REFUND…I’ve got a bargain as though I want a refund…just wanted a pair of slip on mules to squash a few snails in the garden as my old ones are done.

I will keep you posted.

23rd July. It’s Monday, still no mules but I did get this message just now….

Hi … I’m afraid to say it wasn’t posted … I’ve been away and gave parcel to my friend to post but she still has it to my annoyance
I’m really sorry as it’s my reputation that it affects
So …. she is bringing it back to me today & I can send it & promise you it will be posted tomorrow morning with tracking or refund
As I said earlier I do apologise & will never rely on someone to do it for me again
Regards

Woman!  Tatty does not want a fucking refund, okay?  The longer you delay, the fatter are the snails in my garden!  I should sell these to Gordon Ramsey, he was paying ‘his kid?’ 50p each on one of his cooking programmes a while back.

The other item – Aqualisa cartridge, the seller has turned to Ebay to sort it out.  Ebay sent me a tracked return postage label and item was delivered but seller says she hasn’t received it!  The refund process is being put on hold until 25th and Ebay tells me that I should be getting this parcel back in the post.  I don’t know what to think of this awkward seller who admits in her messages that she did advertised the wrong cartridge and apologised AND said that she DID opened the box to check to see if everything was inside.  Advertised as brand new – it was opened, seal was broken and re taped and instruction leaflet was stained.

So I would be highly surprised if Ebay says she right in this sale and I don’t get a refund.

I definitely want a refund on this.

26th, I didn’t get the item in the post and Ebay gave me a courtesy refund. So, happy here now, am wondering what happened to the item as seller would not refund unless she received it back. Ebay sent me a tracked postage label.

Anyway, regards the other item, I went onto PayPal to check on the courtesy refund and this other seller refunds me for not answering her message!!!

Me..
Hi, waited in everyday since last Wednesday. Still no sandals! Full of excuses and promises, I will wait and see if they come tomorrow, if not this sale is asking for a negative feedback. When I first joined Ebay, thought I could get more bids on a commissioned oil portrait but not. I spent 4 solid weeks painting a very realistic portrait worth £250 for 99p cos I did not want a negative feedback to tarnish my future on Ebay. Please read my first page of feedbacks. Do u want my neg feedback? Regards.

Reply after I went to Ebay for non delivery..

I’m not bothered by a negative feedback as it has no impact in my life
I don’t see what your oil painting has to do with a pair of shoes ???
If your insinuating that they went for cheap .. I don’t care as it’s the chance you take when selling on eBay as I said in your earlier message you can have them for free

For free… am I reading this right? (This offer is on the dispute section of course, so Ebay staff will think this woman is generous!) I told her last week that I didn’t want a refund and she asked me twice, do I want the sandals or a refund? So I said to her if she finds it in her heart to post them to me for free, I will gladly accept. In return, I will post her some money plants if she gives me her addy….

Stay tuned folks… Will Tatty get a free pair of sandals?

27th, it’s Friday and market day at Bury.  We like to buy fish from there, all three stalls are owned by the same person.  If you really look at each stall, the fish are roughly of the same type but of different freshness.  The far end stall is particularly good to buy Scotch salmon and this is what I want today.  While Sa Sa is parking at Asda, I get out early to look around Tkmax first. Then we meet up at this stall.  By the time I get there Sa Sa will have thoroughly survey each salmon.  You look at the gills to see how red and then the eyes, now Sa Sa would have bought the one that started to wink at him.  So today, it’s salmon for tea and how can people eat the eyeballs, burst it and lap up that clear jelly! Ugh!  The Chinese saying of best bits on:

The gooses’ head, the ducks’ neck and chicken wings…oh it’s the lips on a Congo eel…

Sa Sa stop sucking on that eyeball!  And stop kissing that Congo eel!

Opened a no item delivery case against seller who makes all sorts of excuses and PROMISES < promise to give them to me for free which makes her out to be a generous person.  If I offered to pay for postage and send her the money, I would not have been able to claim it back.

So she has had last Friday, Saturday and when I didn’t receive it on Monday , I added a message on Ebay

Hi, thank you for your very generous offer, I have NOT received the item today.

31st, Tuesday, 5pm still no free item, I wanted her to eat her words so I left her a negative feedback:

Waited 3weeks+ no item Excuses+lies Refunds when I wanted item Unreliable! BEWARE!

The End.  Now waiting for her feedback.

This Salmon fish stall in Bury sells salmon trimmings and heads at £1 50p a bag so I will buy my Sa Sa more eyeballs to suck on… they are so cheap, these balls, these juicy balls!

Just hope, he spits out that small white ‘marble’ inside each ball.

This is what THAT defiant woman wrote under my negative feedback:

Beware ? You got a refund &#38; wanted the sandals 4 free you have no impact on me

No impact, I hope she never sells another item!

Anyway, I am giving my title of Snails Terminator to Sa Sa since he has to make full use of my efforts at being a cobbler.  The kids saved their pocket to buy him some pairs of Clarks for his birthday, £65 a pair they were, near 20 years ago.  Just recently, he took them out to enjoy them in his retirement only to find that the soles have turned to dust.  If you google about Clarks shoes – disintegrating soles – rotting in thousands – HYDROLYSIS – happens to shoes in storage.  Look up on Trustpilot – makes Clarks out to be one of the worst companies ever!  I will show you:

SA SA! BECAREFUL, people might introduce a new society called RSPCS! Well you might get away if I cooked these for you for your dinner.  I’ve lost my job as snails squasher and that seller on Ebay:

“Woman! you can stick your bloody sandals up your arsehole!”

Now, onto the next pair, more broken needles, sore/stabbed fingers … during the course, I learnt that making the holes with a small screwdriver, push the needle through the hole using some oil lubricant and pulling it out with small pliers.

Its very hard to find ready made soles that is shaped like the disintegrated ones.  Mr Clarks, Tatty hates you.

9th August.  I suddenly woke with a nightmare!  Sa Sa you better NOT give these your Slit of Death!

16th, THAT woman relisted her sandals and sold them for £8 02p so she got another £3 82p more, was it worth it? To have my negative feedback which made her feedback percentage dropped to 92.3%? I should report her to Ebay, knew all along that she wanted more money but refused to admit it.

My next challenge is helping my son to build a shed. So everyday I am drawing plans, trying to get this pent roof right. Must have drawn at least 3 sets, still not satisfied. Will keep you informed AND that Chinaman is helping out…. such fun.  Employ him at your peril!  BUT tea boy is ok.

Let me relieve more stress here … says Tatty AGAIN!  Oh Dear, Dear, I buy some cat food for my sons’ cat which is on Science Plan Light and my cats are on normal – 2 different types came in a box but similar headers.  My cats depleted their supply, he opens one bag (12 kgs) fill the feeder with 2kgs and the cat bin with 4kgs.  Then I noticed the different shaped pellets in the feeder, he opened the wrong bag!   Why did it not dawn on him to ask himself why are the pellets different shape before spending time topping up the two containers.  Or ask me?  I buy my cat supplies off Zooplus or Bibita, both sell pet foods half price than local shops and they were on offer with extra 20%.  So now due to that mindless Chinaman, he will have to put all my sons cat food back into the bag.

!st September.  Our shed, a combined effort – father, son and mum, built to last… we are impressed with our neighbours shed.  He built it with his dad 40 years ago so if ours is well maintained and last for 40 years plus 1 day, I am happy.  Over the last fortnight, I have had insomnia, googling plans and designing OUR shed – our 4304cms x 196cms shed.  We’ve already laid the concrete slab base.

‘Mum use the lego bricks?”

Sa Sa so happy to have something to do.

As you can see, my son does not allowed him to knock in the nails, in case he doesn’t knock them in straight!

Need to add these corner brackets for extra support.

Oh, yes, son got tired of hammering the nails so Sa Sa is trusted… and he’s is doing a good job.

The floor.  I think I can live in there, to get away from Mr Dickhead!  I can’t live without him! He is keeping me so insane!

Not long to go now, felt the roof and finish the windows, make the door, then slap some real good vanish on – Sikkens.

Watch this space, I hope you are not bored with my new challenge, my or our very first shed.

2nd September.  Nearly finished, made the door today, it was very heavy, only the facias to put up, then some Sikkens Cetol HLS Plus as a base coat and when that has dried, a coat of Cetol Filter 7 Plus.

Son is so fussy, everything has to be precise, measured to nearest millimetre!  Its a wonder, we didn’t argue more.  Sa Sa got the easy jobs, the mindless activities, like tidying up and connecting the mains, while I measured and did the maths.

I enjoyed this challenge, something different, Tatty having a go at joinery, at professional joinery.  Its a Work of Art and really should go into my Works of Pride Link.

3rd Sept. I treated Sa Sa to a pick axe today.  He said that he always wanted one.  While chopping a couple of trees down in the garden, he wanted to dig up as much of the trunk as possible.  Nearly a year now and the sawn down remains have sprouted new shoots.  BUT buying the axe today wasn’t for that, we have been ordered to dig a narrow trench 2 feet into the ground, probably near 10 metres long!  The Chinaman lifted the axe to load into the car and was knackered BEFORE starting the digging.  He says it’s so heavy!

Tatty, fancy having a go?

4th Sept.  Getting it ready for Mr Chan… I am calling him this because we have a laborious task ahead.

Here is Sa Sa with his new toy!

We dug about 45cms, app 18ins deep and call it a day.  lad came home and said it was plenty deep.  Originally he said, 75cms!!! Son, my arm isn’t long enough and dads pick axe can only reach so far!  I am covered in bruises and my hands are so dry with handling the soil, at least this latest task is a mindless activity and I don’t have to say anything to Sa Sa. He understands!!!

Just waiting for the grass to grow back.

The black pipe underground.  I used a claw hammer to cut the grove into the slab so it is a neat finish.

Sa Sa does a good job laying the slabs, and now we are waiting for the fine weather to fill in.  We had such fine weather a few weeks back, they were going to introduce a hose pipe ban.

27th Sept.  Here comes Mr Pick Axe Lover and Tree Stump Digger…

So proud of his efforts.  He said, his mum taught him.

“Mrs Chan, thank you for teaching your son how to dig up tree stumps…FAST.  I forgive you for not telling him whether your pubes go grey or not in old age.  It was his fault for not asking you.”

We removed this tree fully in front of the lounge window because it is bad feng shui, always try to let plenty of light into your house.

Now looking for more jobs for Sa Sa.

12th Nov.  I have been a bit stressed out over this Ebay business. Got tempted with the final fee of just £1 per item, I decided to sell a couple of sons old Casio watches PRT 40, one new and other hardly worn.  Now wait for it BOTH were bought by a man called Mohammed … Stated in the advert, I said that the time and light work but not sure about the other features but will enclosed a 7 pages of instructions.  Next day he says the barometers don’t work on both watches so wants to return for refund and uses the INAD – item not as described.

Well, got the watches back, initial feeling over the course was, oh yes, he’s opened them and stole parts…Ebay ALWAYS side with the buyer.  I supposed I’ve done this many times myself so now feel the punch on the point of the seller, in this case, me.

Watches- 2nd I was very reluctant to return and refund as description was spot on whereas 1st was advertised as new without tags and he says New should work.  At the moment, on the news you even get a new airplane crashing in Indonesia!

So got the watches back after paying 2 postal charges, was going to fight it out  and after careful thought having read the community discussion page on horror stories, decided to have both watches returned.  This time I adjust the barometers, watches 100% ok and realised that this dude was taking me for a ride.  He was impatient, incompetent and did not adjust watches according to the manuals and accuses me of being a time waster.  He says Ebay customer services ALWAYS side with him.  I wonder how many items he gets to keep the item if the seller decides to fight.  Even my daughter says, he has a language problem and I thought it was a bit fishy WHY he wanted BOTH watches.  Ebay buyers 99% WINS so I’ve read.  My son sold a working computer, buyer dismantles, messes inside and returns for refund, lost over £20 on postal charges, here I’ve lost near £11.

So Mohammed, you are cursed in my thoughts, I hope you get constipation and toilet paper rips over your arse when you manage…

Meanwhile, I am going ‘courting’ with Sa Sa – hiking, I am dragging him away from U Tube, yes he has discovered a new addiction.  This  U Tube is fine if he’s learning new cooking skills, yesterday he learnt how to peel the shell and skins off sweet chestnuts. These were used in his chicken dish with yellow bean sauce.

I will show you images of Sa Sa soon.

Here he is , the Star…

Walking up Haslingden Old Road

Cutting across the tops towards Haslingden

We did some walking in Hong Kong. This is Tai Mo Shan and you catch the no 51 bus from behind the Nina Hotel in Tsuen Wan and get off at Cheung Lung for this 2 miles trek.  Chuen Lung is famous for their watercress fields which are fed by the fresh water from the hills.

Despite all this walking, Sa Sa enjoys sitting at home watching TV AND U -Tube on his mobile, yes both at the same time with his cats, Sue-Ling and Saffy.

He is 68 on Tuesday and has got an appointment at the dentist and hygienist, only date available so he should not forget this!!!

20th December, soon be Christmas, I hate Christmas, I have no Christmas spirit, but first I have to get over with my birthday which is tomorrow, just a few hours away.  Presently, I am stuck in Manchester at No 2 sons’ house because he has sent for the Rat Catcher – ME.  There has been some biting or clawing sound coming from the loft and it is keeping him awake through the night.  Last week, I lifted some of the insulation, found some droppings and put down some poison, some traps and some sticky tapes.  Son heard some distressing squeaks and heavy panting on Sunday, he thought that the mouse was having sex!  No, son, when a mouse/rat squeaks and breathe heavily, it means it’s not happy, probably ate some poison.  I have been here since Monday and no more sound.  My son wouldn’t let me go home unless it’s dead!  Sa Sa and gang back in Rossendale are not eating well because their cook is absent!  Nice to be wanted, everywhere, isn’t it?

Anyway, I have installed a TV here in my bedroom, now I am watching Professional Masterchef Final. So do not disturb! Mr Rat be dead!

22nd December.  I WAS supposed to be going home today but my son insisted that he drives me to Bury Market to buy some fresh cod.  We got there about 12 30pm and they had none!  So I am going to ring tomorrow- Sunday to see what has been delivered.  Also they open at 7am on Christmas Eve.  All three stalls are owned by the same man, nice way of making sure prices are high!

I think Mr Rat is dead or gone and the little rattling noise he hears must be the rotating extraction fan from the en suite.  So no more excuses to keep mummy here.  She has done his laundry, cleaned his house, wiped down the kitchen, washed out the cooker hood filters and lots more.  Cooked and washed up afterwards…

Mum, I am going to starve, when you are gone!  They are saying that in Rossendale too!

Sa Sa is coming tomorrow to collect some lobsters off his friend.  The usual seafood for Christmas and he’s taking me home.

24th, went to the fish market again, no cod!

27th Dec.  Today I actually feel great, having suffered a sinus migraine for three days.  That meant in bed, no eat, no drink because I just vomit everything out.  So today, I can ‘kill’ a tiger or two.

We are two old people, just had two birthdays, our children are so ‘nice’ they gave us nicknames – mind you, used in the Chans household only.  My youngest always called me:

knew pi high – chinese literal meaning – knew (cow) pi (hide) high (vagina) = leathery fanny

Now my daughter calls her dad:

Turkey Neck!

Sa Sa with the Turkey Neck.  Lol. They keep making us feel old!

Best turn the light off from now on!

Roll on 2019, because I’ve not had a very good 2018, so much stress has caused my tinnitus which I have had for years to worsen.  This ringing or sizzling noise in my right ear is so loud, it sometimes get me down because it is waking me up in the middle of the night and there is hearing loss.  Now my left ear has got it too but not as loud.

So now, on New Year’s Eve, the Chan household bathe or shower to rid all the bad luck and start afresh, before Big Ben strikes.  I have just showered and washed my leathery fanny thoroughly and it’s Sa Sa’s turn to scrub his Turkey neck.  I will tell him to turn it inside out!  In front of me, I have laid out a few bottles of Budweiser, getting ready for the fire works.

Happy New Year everyone.

15th January.  I am staying at sons in Manchester because he says the rats’ brother has moved in the loft now.  So I am going to tap some thin planks of wood along a grove between the joist and breeze block wall.  This appears to be the running path of rat/mouse.  I think it’s coming in through a tiny hole somewhere near the gutter.

My other job here is to hang up a handmade German cookoo clock which has 3 x 1kg weights to work the time over an 8 day period.  So far trying to work out where the timber is behind the plaster boards, should be 300mm or 400mm apart allowing thickness of timber.  No, apparently no wood, no uprights, hammered 3 small nails, no damned wood and son doesn’t trust the toggle plasterboard screws because he paid a few hundred quid for this clock.  I was very surprised when he spent so much money on this 4 years ago, you have to admire him for this because he is usually very very tight – never seen small ‘egg timers’ stuck to the tiles in the shower, have you?

Meanwhile, back in Rossendale…

10 Answers Back doesn’t like to be called Turkey Neck, he says it’s rather smooth, in fact.

19th January. I drilled a hole ready to screw in a toggle plasterboard screw and just missed some wood by 1mm.  Was so lucky to actually see it!  So now the clock is up…..

Very nice.  I want one now BUT I can see the cats pulling the weights (that are on chains) and the clock will end up in pieces on the floor!  So beautiful, but the son is not satisfied, says its hung too low – its 35cms off the ceiling, any higher and you would not be able to appreciate the workmanship!

He says I can leave it for now until he gets his 65inch TV…

I have to go back to stay soon because Mr Rats’ Brother is being awkward, he only comes when I am away.  Son is scared that it might chewed up his electric wires in the loft.

I have not got round to climbing into loft to see Mr Rat, been put off because the section where the scratching comes from, is where it’s boarded up! This is a clever rodent, can’t just lift the insulation off, I have to unscrew each board up! So in the meantime, hope it dies of the cold outside.  Pity the snow is not staying long enough.

11th February.  So happy.  I have just won a bid on a Russell Hobbs travel kettle- £8  45p, the older version which I think is better, a bit more heavier than newer model.  This is for my future holiday in Hong Kong.  I keep wanting to vomit after hearing that a tourist has been boiling/steaming her knickers in the kettle in the hotel!  To remove dried menstrual blood, perhaps… Now for word to spread like this is…. she must have forgotten them…

Fancy a cup of COLD brown ‘tea’ anyone?

Well my happiness was cut short, I messaged on invoice to say, hope kettle is new, unused and works – gift for someone.  5 minutes later gets a reply and seller says, box not complete, no cups nor spoons, just the kettle and he hasn’t tested it to see if it works, do I still want it?  Advertised as BNIB and he didn’t know what this means!  Folks, get the idea now?  Excuses, excuses… when sellers include a buy it now price as well, you know there will be excuses if item ends too cheap.

Mr Seller, I am going to pour you a cup of cold brown tea from that Hotel in Hong Kong and you will be walking round with a kettle stuck up your arsehole!

Glad I’ve got my Blog page here, stress relief.  Bad enough getting Sa Sa to take a passport picture of me for my China visa.  My daughter took some on my mobile before she went shopping and my fringe stopped the photo on the online application so asked Sa Sa.  Here we go again, big vast background and my farting little head at the bottom!  Holds the mobile too far away, at a slant, shakes it when he clicks etc over 10 takes later… I really really want to beat him up.  He says he is sweating like mad, panic stricken… Sa Sa you better not wet yourself now!  I mean just over a simple task like this!

Please call again.

20th March.  We came back from Hong Kong yesterday.  In our absence, son caught a couple of mice.  He buys 2 traps at nearly £5 each more for killing rats and I bought 4 small wooden ones for £1 and killed one mouse with a 25p cheapo:

Then we caught one in a humane trap:

I went and bought 8 more of the cheap traps and to date killed 6 mice now.  Need to find their entrance… more fun…

Anyway, my trip to Hong Kong and visit his family in China.  Sa Sa leant a new skill, making dumplings with mooli or Daikon radish.  Serious business this, as you can see, he has a full cover up apron on!  Like a toddler at nursery!

So he is going to be busy.  Our ancestral home place is located within walking distance to the Mission Hills Golf Course in Shenzhen.  Sa Sa’s  niece invited us to dine in one of the posh restaurants there.

Over the last 2 years, this place has developed into a giant shopping complex with an ice skating rink and at night the neon lights are so colourful:

In Hong Kong, again we visited that nature trail walk at Chuen Lung.  First we dined at the cafe with Sa Sa’s sister and brother in law:

Can you spot Sa Sa?

After the meal, we headed for our usual trek…

On the right, I thought of the old English red telephone kiosks…

The view ahead, all the green are the watercress fields and looking back:

On the walk, met this old lady who was given ONE sharks fin marrow seed.  She grew it and two female blooms formed and died.  She doesn’t know why.  Well next year, I am going to give her some seeds and give her a lecture, Mrs Chan -The Early Poker, say no more…

We cut short the trek and descended onto a famous monastery in Tsuen Wan called Yuen Yuen institute and Western Monastery.

On the flight back to the UK,  guess who sits next to me on the plane, besides the Crawshawbooth Dickhead, Mr Ian Gardener from Loveclough who was on a business trip to China!  Familiar face, one of our customers!  WOW!

Small world…

Now back in Crawshawbooth, we need to diet… Sa Sa posing in front of his Primary School in China:

Highlight of this holiday was a young lady who gave up her seat for Sa Sa on the MTR because you are supposed to give up your seat for the elderly.  The ONLY time this has happened, Sa Sa always thought he looked young… From 65 years old you can buy a pensioners octopus card and each journey only costs $2 which is like 20p, fantastic saving, the only noticeable ‘inconvenience’ is that the paying machine makes a different bleep!  So you are aware that a pensioner has just got on.

The other highlights:

While waiting to board the plane in Manchester, there was a surge of people dying to be the first on and this other Chinaman, I hate to say this, thicker than Sa Sa leaves his cabin luggage at the head of the queue to reserve his place because we were told to sit in the waiting area.  The attendant announced many times on this stranded luggage and within 2 minutes of it going into lost property, this Chinaman turns up!  The other incident which leaves me shuddering, this old lady takes an orange suitcase off the rotating belt ready to leave and the true owner turns up only just in time (20 seconds) to say its hers!  The old lady never looked at her tag and only recognised her suitcase as orange!

22nd March.  Sa Sa is collecting his old banger today from the garage.  It was due for a service and MOT yesterday-Thursday but on day before -Wednesday, the engine overheated and he just managed to drive it slowly off the M66, got it onto the BP petrol station, Rochdale Road, Bury.  Wednesday, Wednesday, I hope that rings a bell with you because it was spoiling his girlfriends day- with bones.  Yes we have got another supplier of pork bones, can’t have Boneman Chan disappearing, can we? AND no one stands in his way, he travels alone! So his car boot was packed and the car was ‘dead’ I rang my son in Manchester and told him to drive to this station and pick up dad and bones, while I asked a relative to take me to BP to wait for the RAC.

She is Sa Sas’ 9th mistress and always cause a stir or verbal stab in the back when we drive her to the restaurant to dine…15 years old, the body is good, hardly any rust, what a sorry sight…

Onto the ramp..

and I don’t care if the Chinese community accuses SaSa of being a compulsive gambler or a whore seeker! Just hope that driving it on the M66 about 10minutes with an overheated engine has not caused too much damage.

21st.  Thank goodness, it was only a faulty radiator.

‘Sa Sa’

Tatty says keep being a compulsive gambler and whore seeker… at this rate, they might accuse you of being a drug addict with your complexion at the moment! The pathetic man slept through all Tuesday afternoon for at least 5 hours.  I warned him that if he kept me awake at night, he is going to get shoed.  Well he didn’t fall asleep until 3am.

23rd.  Slowly getting over the jetlag.  Tomorrow, I have to go and sort out the mice invasion.  Son has found the entrance and I’ve got to seal it up!  Sa Sa is still awake at night.  Chinese zombie!

26th March.  Sa Sa and I blocked the large gap on the eaves where the roof tapers with a 18ins x 7ins plank of wood.  I renewed the bait on 5 traps with some expensive Sunkist peanut butter, it has a nice aroma and I wedged a peanut in as well.

30th.  Silence in the loft so far.  Have I cured the problem?

8th April.  We’ve killed 11mice so far.  There is just one left now, he comes does 10 mins scratching and then leaves on most nights.  Anyway, I’ve decided not to put any more bait out and set traps because I think it is encouraging them to visit.  So we will see…..

I am thoroughly enjoying staying here in Manchester, get to watch the many tv channels, got addicted to watch Drew Pritchard on the Salvage Hunters.  Meanwhile, I am crocheting a merino wool blanket, measuring a whopping 86ins square for a king size bed.  It has taken 80 hours so far and I am designing it using three shades of wool.  Nearly finished, just another 3 hours left…. dying to show you.

Detail….

It crocheted with King Cole anti-tickle wool and weighs nearly 3 kgs.  I enjoyed making it so much and can see the next one in my head already – like a work of art.

18th May.  I have been staying here more in Manchester so have not been in Sa Sas company, no stress that’s why there’s not much blogging.  It’s lovely, very quiet, the mice have gone on holiday for the Summer.  Sa Sa and I have rearranged the supposed shed base ( never put a shed down as too many burglaries) used the surplus slabs elsewhere.  I have kept the tall hedge trimmed and the new shoots made sure the hedge stayed green.

The trimmings do not look much but it did fill a big green bin.

The  Back…

Let the branches grow too big then trim, the hedge will be more brown with sparse green growth.  Look like dead trees.  Neighbour had got a complaint because his bushes were obscuring the street lamp.

Here in Manchester, I am a TV addict, Salvage Hunters, The Outback Opal Hunters, Ice Cold Gold etc so many channels here … I love it.  My baby fills the freezer with Magnums, a very happy mum, at the moment.  Well not, I treated myself to a hoodie – Crew Clothing, size 14 cost me £12 99p on Ebay  ( original label says £55)  AND THAT CHINAMAN thinks it is his, puts it on saying that the sleeves were a bit tight!  He showed it to me by taking a ‘selfie,’ its a reflection off the mirror.

Please someone, tell him its a woman top!

31st May. I am still having fun on Ebay and as you know I am collecting excuses.  Here we have a woman seller with 10 answers back.

On 26th May, I bid on an Antler suitcase because I binned one after our last trip to Hong Kong.

Genuine Antler Suitcase – Very Large 75x54x29 cm. Never been used

Paid £38 plus £7 50p for postage.

On examining the photographs closely, looks like a different size suitcase.  I should have read her previous feedback:

So I messaged her…______________________________________

Hi, I am not sure about this case now that I have paid because your advertised measurements 75cms x 54cms x 29cms do not match with the images which is more like 79 x 51 x 27. 79cms is too high for me. Is it possible to cancel this sale, before you post as I am not happy with your description. Please reply. Thx

___________________________________________________________________________

Her reply was that (on the images)there are wheels so I accepted the 75cms + 4cms in height but cannot understand how you can have inside measurements of 54cms when outer case is only 51cms,  29cms and outer is less than 27cms? I inform her of this contradiction but she refuses to cancel unless I paid her £10!  So I said that I will return it if she posts. I have already asked Ebay and they said file a case of no item receive first to make Ebay aware if she does not send a tracking number on Saturday.

After more exchanges, she refuses to admit that Item Is Not as Described so I got this latest reply.

___________________________________________________________________________

You have bought the suitcase, THE WINNING BID IS BINDING, IT IS SOLD.

‘….. It has contradicting description on title which I read and was happy, until I closely inspected the images ….’

Photos are an integral part of the description of an item, if you failed to check what you were buying that is hardly my fault.

I am not obliged to offer you any refund, I am doing so purely as a goodwill gesture.

I am merely taking out my costs – which is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. A Refund of £33.50

I have no intention of spending any more of my time swapping emails and messages with you.

THERE ARE NO RETURNS ON THIS ITEM, PRIVATE SALES ARE NOT COVERED BY SALE OF GOODS ACT.

If you do return the suitcase despite my No Returns Policy you do so at your own expense and I will still only refund your purchase cost – no postage costs – minus £10 = £28 refund

Your choice

______________________________________________________________________

She thinks I was born yesterday!  I know full well that Ebay refunds her fees on cancellation so she wants to rob me! Roll on Saturday.  No tracking number then on Sunday she gets another negative feedback!  £10 to cancel BEFORE posting and £17 50p to return item – worst than Sa Sa!

So on Saturday I filed (as advised by Ebay)an opened case – item not received and I want a full refund.  Another 2more messages of intimidation, I said that you cannot charge and charge return post on item when your description is misleading and also she will have to pay 2 lots of postage AND also get a negative feedback which she says this is a threat to her!!!

More verbal diarrhoea later, I had enough and I will not answer anymore and leave it to Ebay to sort it out on 11th.  More and more abuse, she will not give up!  She said she has unpacked <<<UNPACKED >>> advertised as NEVER BEEN USED, the suitcase and said it’s not a rigid case but soft and insisted that her measurements were 100% correct!  She must have measured it when stuffed! Beats my SaSa, 11 Answers Back! I gave her a neg feedback.

———————————————

INAD Pics 79x51x27 Wants £10 to cancel B4 posting £17 50 to return! Con! BEWARE!

———————————————her counterattack, sellers can only give positive.

VERY AGGRESSIVE and RUDE refuses delivery Never seen item BEWARE

I rang Ebay that this seller has broken the rules, I’ve tried to explain, calls me a time waster.  They removed her comment and gave her a warning.  Now her listings, she’s removed them because I presumed she has her family/friends to up bids and con buyers.

Roll on 11th… I will keep you informed.

7th, the seller at long last refunded me in full.  She is probably too scared to advertise now, got another negative feedback = 2 and lost her one follower.

Ebay, Tatty is impressed, you BAD sellers keep me aggravated and entertained, their excuses are expanding my blog… thank you.

I am still in Manchester, next task is to change all the rotten fences.  There is one that is only 44cms wide and I still have to buy a full 6ft otherwise if old one left, a real sore thumb.

29th June. My son and I put up 8 fences and I made up 2 small ones.  They are all finished with extra reinforcements- nails.  Anyway this task is complete now, all painted.

30th, we changed the mains connected fire alarms to quality versions.

1st July.  Today I lined the DIY mirrored wardrobe shelves with cleared plastic, to protect clean clothes.

Here, I am spoiling my youngest, The Last Drop of Urine (Semen to be precise, remember?) with my cooking, housework etc.  Also, now that we have Netflix, I am spoilt rotten, I don’t want to go back to Crawshawbooth!

7th July.  I am back and have been gardening.  Some of the garden plants are blooming great.  Look at this honeysuckle which gives off the nicest aroma, I took a small cutting from the back where Rileys Butcher is.  It is a parking space now and the honey suckle is gone.

We have lived here since 1997 and this clematis is so beautiful, looks like it is very happy in this location.

The Japanese Acers are producing seeds.  They have been for a few years but I find it very hard to germinate them.  I think you are supposed to soak them first, then I am not very interested in growing these.

The gogi berries are ripening fast, better tell Sa Sa to pick these before the birds peck them off.

He planted a few potato scrapings with shoots in the garden and now the potato plants have got quite bonnie flowers on them. Very interesting because we just take a bag of spuds for granted!

To the left, you can just make out that I’ve allowed Sa Sa to grow some Sharks Fin marrows, he had a break last year.  Our Eggman has dropped off  some neat chicken poop this week.

One of the neighbours gave him a box of chicken poop pellets for the lawn.  So Sa Sa has been playing with shit this week.  Please stay away from me, until you shower!

20th July, I’ve been here in Manchester for a week now.  My son has just had his Worcester boiler annual service.  While he was practicing on his piano I was talking to the plumber.  I hope he doesn’t think that I am living with my ‘toyboy’ here!

Off to Tesco, to buy more Magnums, on offer at the moment at £1 60p for 4.

31st July Wednesday, yes it’s WEDNESDAY, that Chinaman has been waiting since last Wednesday, day out, get to dine with friends and see his girlfriends, charm them with with a few bones… but before that he needs to fill up the car.

£42, yes £42 s worth at the Spar petrol station and what happens? He gets distracted by Bob then drives off WITHOUT paying! Bob, what have you done to my Chinaman?  The Man is on cloud nine already and you have made him more dizzy! 2nd time now, drove off after filling up at Shell but realised when he got to the old fire station.

We are running out of petrol stations near home!  So now, HIS shit is holding on longer!  Yes, he had to park on the hard shoulder on the M66!  I am shitting too, last thing we want is having Sa Sa in the Free Press!  Got my daughter to drive down to pay and on the receipt it says DRIVEOFF RECALL. Just in time too, the saleslady was about to sort it out.

Talking about excitement!

10th August, today, I am going back to Crawshawbooth.  A smoke alarm (with a warning that the battery needs renewing) is doing my head in here.  I checked the old ones that we replaced and the others from previously, went up into the loft, even took the batteries out but that bleep noise is continuous.  Started out in 20 secs intervals, now a little longer and its been going on for a fortnight!  I think its coming from next door and they don’t realise that the back up battery needs changing.  Really, really annoying and how on earth do they cope or live with it!

Anyway, I have been making some salt and pepper chicken wings and thighs – our favourites pieces and they taste near like KFCs.

That Chinaman hasn’t been doing any poking and left it to the bees to pollinate so I am disappointed to find a few dead marrows.  Anyway, hardly any female blooms left now and only lots of males.

11th August,  Jumped into the shower to find that the bar of soap is the size of a clove of garlic!  Pathetic Man!  How can you wash yourself with that!  He probably doesn’t know where I keep the bars!  JESUS…I can’t even scrub my hairy bits now!

25th, I’ve been here in Manchester for a few days now and that smoke alarm bleep is still going strong.  The whole row of terrace houses appear to be vibrating!  I saw my next neighbours son playing football and he says it’s not his so it must be the other two.

30th, I saw my next door neighbour and asked her about the smoke alarm bleep.  She said it’s her alarm and she doesn’t hear it anymore! Well, I bloody hear it 24/7, pathetic family, no wonder the son doesn’t hear it, they’ve all become immune!

31st, that’s it, I have had enough, the noise last night or early morning is becoming unbearable.  Not only I have to put with that bleep there was a party at the Airbnb, 3 doors away.  Priced at £200 per night.  How can you have this in a residential area?  I really felt like ringing the police, going on till 3am, really loud talking, utterly rude guests, no respect.  The guests park everywhere, parties often and their bins are overflowing.  I caught the subletter using our bin!  So stressed and I don’t want a brick through my window.  I need to go back to Crawshawbooth.

8th September, Number 1 son asks for a bench vice clamp for his birthday and guess what, I have got one.  Being a hoarder, I have kept this clamp since 1974!  I went to Art College in Cheltenham and there was a Tesco in the town centre.  They gave out green shield stamps as tokens and I had collected enough to trade for one.  What I needed a vice clamp for, I haven’t the faintest idea but I have kept it for nearly 46 years – keeping it in the family.  My son loves DIY so this clamp has brought back memories.  Like….

Across the road from Tesco was a butchers and we poor students discovered roast bacon, the end chunks of rolls which they could not slice.  So we bought and bought.  The butcher decided to rob us and put the price up.  He ended up eating the roast himself after that.

23rd, I have been doing the laundry today and Sa Sa got the task of making all the beds.  He can’t remember which colour of sheet he took off his single bed so the pathetic man tries to put a king size sheet over the single mattress and wonders why it’s an awkward fit!

Here we go… AGAIN…. I am screaming….

I AM MARRIED TO A DICKHEAD!

Anyway in my absence, he managed to grow 20 marrows this year.  We had a rest last year and the seeds from the previous year were no good.  So what we used are over 4 years old.  Despite the cursing from Sa Sa as always, at the beginning of each growing season, he moans and moans, this year the fruit is late so I had an earful and the fault lay with the OLD sterile seeds!  Now we are waiting for the sun to ripe these so we have newer seeds for next year.

Look how proud he is, must have been a fertile poke!!!

Yes, there’s nowt like a good poke!

10th October, Sa Sa just came home from Rawtenstall Market.  He bought 18 duck eggs, picked them and was very happy.  He was soaking them in brine and realised that the minute he was distracted talking to a chippy customer she had swopped a couple for smaller ones!  Brine is made up of salt and cooled down boiled water.  The duck eggs soak in this for at least 30 days, then it’s boiled and we eat the ‘crystallised’ yolk, discard the salty white.  Such yolks are used in the festive Chinese mooncakes.

Now lady, don’t think you can fool my Chinaman, shame on you for wiping the smile off his face, you are crafty and sneaky, also you have ruined my day because I have to live with this Man.

11th, today we went to Gordon Riggs, Todmorden to buy this different variety of money plant called Hummel’s Sunset.  Here is Carole who served us, she was very helpful and friendly.  Thank you Carole.

I got 9 plants.

and hoping to grow them into flowering bonsais like these.

The pots are small, compared to a can of beans.

Now to introduce it to my collection.  This is half of my conservatory and the other half is same.  As long as I have a narrow walking path to my chair, I am happy.  It is our Amazon Rain Forest and this oxygen tent has made us look at least 10 years younger.

I like them as trees too, like this.

I strongly recommend it.

15th, we both survived The Torture Chamber – the dentist, Sa Sa has only got 19 teeth and it hurts a bit to be charged full price for the hygienist.  They are really nice to him because I have told them about my blog and why he is the STAR.  He has another two nicknames now, Ham da Fu – meaning salty and bitter – that’s the description of his cooking in my absence.

Mowl Gna Lowl – no teeth man.  Even our dentist tells him that its soft noodles instead of spare ribs!  Can’t show off now like he did during his courting days:

‘Look at these, I can eat a melon without using a knife!’

Is Tatty waiting for them all to fall out before she gets the romantic tea set out!

12th November.  We have just come back from Hong Kong, so glad too as it getting a bit chaotic.  The unrest made us go to the airport nine hours early incase the protesters were blocking off the roads – which they did throughout the day.  On our last day, we usually go to his sisters’ for a meal as plane food is horrid.  We couldn’t this time as there was no transport!  I am annoyed because all my leftovers like shampoo, food etc, I give to her but not this time.

Anyway, the holiday news- We stayed the Royal View Hotel in Tsuen Wan again because it was a couple of miles away from the previously troubled centre with the riots.  They provide a convenient, very regular shuttle bus and we got given this lovely room, I stressed that it would be nice to have similar view to last time.

Thank you Hugo, another Hugo… I hope you serve us next time.  Thanks again.

We landed on Wednesday evening and by Friday, we were in China.  Sa Sas’ brother was in hospital have his kidneys stones lasered – stones which descended and got stuck inside his bladder so he had trouble urinating.  With Sa Sas’ love of chickens, well his bro said that he could eat some, and told him to pick out the ones with yellower legs cos these were younger?

Poor chick…

her sisters are wondering what is happening!

Sisters… the Chinese only eat hens or pullets.  Cockerels are used in ceremonies with head and feet intact.  It can be eaten but more so if it has been castrated.  As a little girl, I used to see how they castrate a young cock- they rip a few feathers off at the side where the breast meets the leg.  It is the thinest part of a chicken, they cut a tiny hole here and loop a thread/wire through this hole.  Wrap the wire round one testicle on the spine and with the two thread ends, one in each hand – see saw like a cutter.  The detached testicle is scooped out, same with the other one.  During the process, the poor cockerel is pinned ‘motionless’ and I remembered its eyeballs rotating and see a lot of white in his eyes.  Bringing back childhood memories now, even seeing the piglets being castrated now!  It’s got me sad.

Only half here and it was tough… Sa Sa picked a heavy one but old.

Stayed in China over the weekend and the next task was to go up to Chuen Lung and hand over some of our marrows seeds to the old lady as promised.

Love, love the room, it has cooking facilities, we started to cook everything using a rice cooker.

Then we went up to survey their Sky Farm on the 18th floor.  There we met William…

He gave me some okra seeds so Sa Sa will try to grow these next year.

I showed him Sa Sas’ efforts this year…

I think the highlight of the holiday was being treated to a seafood meal.  More so on the process of buying it.  You get to pick the shellfish/fish and pay the cook to cook them.

Many, many stalls to choose, they bag the goods and put them into the red basket, then the lot gets delivered to the restaurant nearby of your choice.

I think there were 8 dishes, – £300 meal, mostly cooked Thai style so it was a bit spicy for me.

The most memorable encounter was when this lady went up to Sa Sa, gently scratched his thigh with her little finger and asked him – does he want it?

Never seen him run so fast into the shop where I was shopping.

Desperate times and desperate needs… I tell everyone, that my little finger is too subtle, I need to use my thumb instead.

On his birthday 20th Nov, 69 years old now, his friends treated him to dinner at the restaurant – his usual Wednesday outing.  He was very happy until he came home and I asked him what has happened to the logo on his sweatshirt?  It has dawned on him why the collar was strangling his neck!

‘Mum, why did you marry a man like that?’

10th Dec.  Soon be Christmas, I hate Christmas, hate, hate it!  Gets me so depressed, I am old now and I don’t know what the fuss is about anymore.  Anyway, Sa Sa is trying to master the boiled egg, I like the yoke a bit runny.  Still no such egg, always hard and I am choking on the yoke.  Near ten tries now, I give up.  He is timing it to seconds…How do you tell the Man that if you leave the egg still in the boiling water, it is still cooking!

11th.  Getting there…I can’t complain to 10 Answers Back, he has got to learn, poor Tatty is persevering…

13th.  Help, he’s lost it.  I feel sick, having squeeze much of the yoke out.

Tatty, keep thee gob shut or he will say,

“GO and COOK it yourself!”

23rd Dec….

An egg, an egg, my kingdom for a soft boiled egg!

24th … it’s 9.30pm and I am falling asleep already!  Sa Sa and I are usually fast asleep by 10pm so it is a long wait tonight.  Anyway, we have already given our bodies the MOT… I think he found it easier to turn his Turkey Neck inside out, me too with my knew pi hi!  I can’t have anymore alcohol now because I have a hiatus hernia and GERD. Having heartburn often isn’t much fun.

Happy New Year.

Sa Sa, your New Year’s Resolution is to master a soft boiled egg.  I like two third of the yolk to be runny, Chinaman, get it?

25th.  I was so tired I was fast asleep by 10pm.  Woke up at 11 30, thought I will wait in bed for Big Ben.  Next thing I woke up at 12 30am, so mad with myself, slept through the alarm and missed Big Ben!

Anyway, share with you our usual seafood feast on Christmas Day.

We bought some dried abalone from Hong Kong and Sa Sa spent over 10 hours cooking them in the pressure cooker.  He said never again, cos they tasted like cardboard!  I said he had overdone them and all the flavour has gone in the water, but he wouldn’t admit it!

10 Answer Back…

An abalone, of course is a ‘fanny’ from the sea.  These small ones averaged at £4 each!

The saying…      Tattys’ saying…

A gooses’ head, ducks’ neck, chicken wings, Congo eel lips and now you can’t beat chewing a sea fanny!  Oh and anything that walks with it’s back to the sun!

Then we went for the afters.

 I made an apple crumble and that went down like a treat.  I was sceptical over this cos I just slam a mixture together without any weighing and hoped for the best.  It was so good, I made another for New Years Day.

Sa Sa, how’s that boiled egg coming on?

Its mid January

and that Chinaman cooked 4 eggs to arrive at Tattys preference.

Now he refuses to cook anymore.  I was going to ask why the shells are sticking…

3rd Feb.  I am still here at No 2 son’s house chilling out, well just now.  No such thing as chilling out and taking it easy!  I got summoned here because he wanted his shower resealing and house cleaned.  The cooker filters were nearly dripping!  Also, the mice are back!  I am not putting anything down because I think they come here to eat only and annoy the Baby.  Blooming babies everywhere!  Need mummy to hold their hands to do anything!  If I scream, become nasty, I am the Wicked Witch!  Mum WAS always the wicked witch in bringing up the kids and that Dickhead WAS the nice guy that the kids kept running too.  Of course, now they have grown up and realises that that nice guy was really a dickhead:

Why did you marry a man like that?

I am glad to say that now I get more respect than him.

21st Feb.  I am still here in Manchester.  Love the peace.  Just finished another crocheted blanket.  Catching up with a lot of the repeated documentaries and watched The Witcher on Netflix.  Sa Sa called in on Wednesdays to bring me some food from the Glamorous.  On the first Weds, he noticed a central heating dial on top of sons’ piano and told me to beware as we are being spied on!  He thought it was a camera!

Please someone, tell him it’s a central heating dial!

The Chinaman was so chuffed on Tuesday 18th, the last day of the KFC offers, 9 pieces for £5 99p.  They served him 10, yes 10 pieces! So jealous and I cannot understand why…

29th February.  I am so relieved today.  Been so stressed over the coronavirus sweeping the world that my bought airline tickets on 1st December last year to Hong Kong in April was a bad bargain.  Well on 28th February, Cathy Pacific announced that they will waiver charges on cancellation and refund.  My son rang up and they said that we can only reschedule.  I logged onto their site and it also stated reschedule only.  We don’t want to go back at all!  So I got onto personal chat on their website and managed to get a refund.  My son is amazed:

“How did you do it?”

I amazed myself too!  I was so chuffed and decided to report an Ebay Seller because she really got on my nerves.  She lists the odd ‘bargain’ with no reserve so it advertises.  The same items have a high buy it now price as well.  10 times out of 10, the listed item is won by a buyer with zero feedback.  I have noted 7 different names, all with zero feedback and what gets me is that these buyers NEVER gives her a feedback.  What brought her to my attention was in the middle of bidding an item, she messaged me about the buy it now price if I was wanted it badly… otherwise continue happy bidding.  Of course, item was won by a buyer with zero feedback.

I hope Ebay checks her out, I honestly cannot see her paying these fees having won her items herself? over the months.  These are expensive items, many over shot the £50 mark.

Now I feel good.